Many years ago I used to work for a magician, but he disappeared.

Before that (I've done a lot in my 87 years on this planet, among others) I was a tester for Viagra. The job grew on me, but eventually my workload plummeted.

My first job was with a maritime salvage company - I even bought shares in the company - but I left when they were delisted. sorry!

I used to think I had my career all mapped out when I trained as a cartographer, but that, too, folded.

I was a video editor, but I just couldn't cut it.

I used to work for King Midas, until I was given the golden handshake.

I used to work at Mornington Crescent, but they told me my job was on the line.

I used to write crosswords, but as it turned out I was clueless.

I fully understand, Tina. I used to bury myself in the cryptics, but - being an alien - I was interred.

Then again, I used to be a director of an orange juice company - I was squeezed out.

The job before that was with a laundrette mob, but they hung me out to dry.

I used to be a model for the M&S catalogue. When I told them it was a pants job, they debriefed me.

Myself, I've been training in the medical field. For a while I worked as an opthamologist's assistant, but we just didn't see eye-to-eye. I tried to switch to cardiology, but my heart just wasn't in it. Then, I thought maybe I could fake it as an X-ray technician, but the supervisor saw right through me. The only job left was in proctology, and obviously, it's a real pain in the arse.

I made cuddly toys for a little while, but I stuffed it up.

I used to work in a chemist before they dispensed with my services.

A year ago I couldn't spell educated. Now I are it.

I used to shear sheep, but then I was fleeced.

I used to survey cul-de-sacs until I realised it was a dead end job.

I used to work in a pyschological testing laboratory, but I wanted to get out of the rat race.

I used to have a lounge act singing Frank Sinatra songs, but when the Summer Wind came along I looked for something else to doobie-doobie-do.

I tried to move from choir conducting to bus conducting but it didn't quite work out and in the end I had to go back to my old job and face the music.