"Better out than in eh? Don't worry about it though, I'll clean that off the upholstery in a jiffy"

Have you ever thought that a taxi ride is a metaphor for life? You're in the hands of a total stranger (that's me, God), and once you get in, it's like being born into life, you've no control over where it goes, oh, you can say "Take me to the Hilton" just like you can say "I'm going to be the next Bill Gates", but no-one's going to pay any attention, and you can't get out, even if you could force the locks on the doors we're doing over 100 so what are you going to do, jump? And at the end of life...there is DEATH!!

Time for a change? So far we have had:
Police Constable, Supermodel, Brain Surgeon, Farmer, Electrician, Car Mechanic, MC Coach, Evil Henchperson, Museum Curator, Somellier, Relationship Counsellor, Blacksmith, Nuclear Physicist, Shepherd, Stand-up Comic, Prostitute, Speaking Clock, Personal Trainer, Anthropomorphic Personification, Pope, Prime Minister and Taxi Driver.
Please put an <hr> before the category title and make it bold and/or colourful as you desire. Feel free to ignore the suggestion if you have more to offer in this category!

So I take it you've never heard of bittorrent then?

DVD's are rubbish, everyone knows that. For real quality you can't beat a videocassette, the colours are so much richer, and they don't wear out, not if you treat them properly. DVD's, you can get fingerprints and cat pee all over them and they still play, what sort of quality is that?

CD? DVD? So what's the difference?

I can't recommend "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" strongly enough.

I know where to get it, if you want it.

If you're looking for the 'real cinema experience', I've got some here that were filmed from the back row...

Sorry, I was just in the back room. Ah, let me just wash my hands.

"Of course, this model at £249 gives a much sharper image, which you are bound to appreciate on your 42" LCD screen." Ace filth, Phil

We've got this boxed set of 17 DVDs, each with a peculiar Easter Egg...

[Phil] I'm glad I read that before I lifted my coffee to my lips!

[UK] I wish I understood it.

[IS,P] You'd need to watch the excellent Doctor Who episode Blink.

[UK] I have downloaded same and will be watching it as soon as the exam season is over.

Sorry, sir, we're right out of brown envelopes, here's a clear plastic bag.

Oscars schmoscars, sir. What's important is the nude wimmin on the cover.

[UK] :-)
[Software] If only you knew the quantity of filth that I don't post because it's way beyond what common decency permits!
Have I got snatch? Come over 'ere and say that sunshine!

Sorry, Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang is out, maybe you'd like this one, Anal Invaders 3.

[Phil] Give us the filth!

[IS,P!] Not yet! This one was suggested by my son:
"Oh yeah, that's a great film! You'll love the twist at the end when it turns out that it wasn't Kyle that murdered his wife after all."

There's no point watching Sixth Sense if you haven't watched the other five.

[following on from IS,P!]...and don't get me started on Passenger 57

...not to mention 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.

Have you seen the first nine of the "Malcolm" decalogy? Can't seem to get them anywhere.

[IS,P, Phil] Don't laugh. The reason why "The Madness of George III" was transformed into "The Madness of King George" was that market research in the US showed that people were less likely to go and see the film because they hadn't seen "The Madness of George I" and "The Madness of George II".

*Rings Doorbell* "Hi ... remember me? I'm the salesperson who waited on you this evening. I couldn't help but notice the titles you selected and seeing as my shift was ending, I tail-gated you home with my headlights off so's not to frighten you ... and [l o o o n g p a u s e] here we are. Can I come in?"

[nfras] I can believe that. When Telecom Eireann went public they changed the name to "eircom" because they thought potential US investors might confuse "Eireann" with "Iran".
[oegy] :-)

Really, you should be ashamed of yourself for watching that filth!

You get a free copy of Anal Isis with each title rented. No, it's mandatory.

[nfras] Whenever I hear a story like that, I find it's wise to do something like this.

[CdM] Ah. Snopes. It's an interesting one. They do openly state that the distributors were not responsible for the change. However, the director states that the story is "not totally untrue". What he doesn't state (at least snopes doesn't state it) is that market research was undertaken and that because of the lack of the word "King" in the title, Americans did not make the connection between George III and King George III. The studio thought it a big enough risk from the results of the market research that the title 'King' had to be added. The 'III' was also removed. It has never been revealed why. The studio only ever mentions why King was added. One must assume that it was done for a reason that does not want to be publicly disclosed. One thing a good director knows is that in the film industry, you don't get far if you call your largest audience stupid. So I think on this, Snopes should rate it as unconfirmed.

[nfras] Yes, I'd agree it has a hint of 'unconfirmed' about it. But do you know that such market research was undertaken and found the result you state? If so, then I withdraw my objection. Otherwise, I think the story is better put in the urban legend category.

"Yes, yes, yes, I'll check you out in a minute. But can't you see I'm very busy right now?" *turns back to nfras*

[CdM] I'll try to find the source. I was pretty sure that they did market research.

---

OK, new topic: how about HOSPITAL RADIO DJ

"And now, for all you oldies, here's Eddie Cochran's Three Steps to Heaven."

"Especially for junior doctors on the night shift, here is a selection of soothing lullabies."

And now an urgent message for Mr Eric Sergeantson in the Kensington Ward. You were told this afternoon that you had 48 hours to live, but there has been a mistake. Dr Humphreys says he was meant to tell you yesterday. Now, Groove is in the Heart by Deee-lite.

"Pssssst ... Hello? This is God. Yes, you lying in the bed there .......... that's right I 'm talking to you. It is time. Come into the light my child. Come into the light."

And here's Madness with Cardiac Arrest

A special request from the staff in the STD Clinic, It started with a kiss.

And if you're in the isolation ward, here are the Police with Don't Stand So Close To Me. (I should point out at this stage that I was a Hospital Radio DJ in a previous incarnation - i.e. when I was a student). [Yoakum] Nice one

"For everyone on the intensive care ward, here's The Eagles with Hotel California, and remember, you can check out any time, but you can't leave."

And another one for the Cardiac ICU, Madonna with Die Another Day.