Thank you for choosing me for your pleasure today. I hope you have a safe journey home, and will consider using me for your pleasure again. As you leave, please pick up a customer satisfaction survey, which you can fill out and return to me via the attached pre-paid envelope.

I'm not touching THAT.

How am I doing?

I'm just going to take a quick photo for my files, whilst you fill out this questionnaire.

Don't mind the guy in the corner - he's from the News of the World and he's doing an investigation.

I've got a special offer on STDs, buy one get one free.

Do you mind if the inspector here sits in and observes? Don't worry, she's here to assess my performance, not yours.

Hello sailor. Fancy a grim time?

They call me Madam Vodafone. I charge by the second.

I'm a bit busy tonight, darling. Do you mind sharing a session with someone else? You get a discount.

No, I've called myself Madam Whiplash ever since I was in a road accident. © Smith & Jones

Fancy a nice cup of tea and a cuddle?

How's my riding? Call 0800 152 6424.
[not sure if that is the same as Kim's earlier post]