RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT ..... [insert the sound of shattered chandeliers crashing to the floor *HERE* amid intermittent gunfire] ....A-TAT-A-TAT... Now if all the ladies present will remove their jewelry and place it along with their other valuables and credit cards onto the table before them and you gents do the same with your wallets. My able assistants will move among you and collect it. Let's have no dead heroes, and I am sure you will all be laughing about this tomorrow.
I say, I say, I say. There was -- no, there were -- an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman -- no that's wrong, there were an Englishman, a German, and...hold on, let me check my notes...
Who is that talking while I'm talking? I can wait all night if necessary; it's your time you're wasting. Very well, since we can't behave like grownups, everybody: fingers on lips, bottoms on the floor.
[CdM] I've got a cancer-centred routine. My dad died of cancer seven years ago, they rang me up from the hospital and said 'Sorry, I'm afraid we've lost your dad'. I said "don't worry, he can't have got far in his condition". Bloody NHS, couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery, but the responses are pre-programmed from a very young age, aren't they, so I went through them: "have you looked properly?", "where did you see him last", "think back to what you were doing when you last had him"... and so on and so forth.
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