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Ooops! Time to change career?
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Give quotes that suggests the person would be better seeking more suitable employment.
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You have a flat what? sorry sir but we only fit round ones.
Diesel, petrol? What the hell, they're both fuel aren't they?
Do you realise that for every mile you drive, a baby dies?
I would recommend changing the brakes as the cars stopping distances are a bit long when we tested, don't worry about the bumper as that can be replaced but we will have to bill you for the damage to our wall.
When you say "righty tighty", is that my right?
I'm sorry ma'am, but I was unable to repair the damage to your tire. Since I was a wee lad I could not abide to see anything suffer, so I maneuvered your car around back and put a bullet into its engine block.
"Anybody hear the concert on Radio 3 last night?"
There's no labour charge.
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum! Raise the mainsail, me hearties! With a following wind we'll be in Tortuga by Sunday! Aharr!
"DOH!!! ... MY BRAIN HURTS!"
We tried our best, but at 11.02 the battery finally died despite our best efforts. If you could follow me, you can chose from a number of options, for the service.
I like to involve the owner in the decision. What do you think is wrong with it?
I think it'll need a general anaesthetic. Now all I have to do is to work out how to arrange an EMP...
Look, you can't expect to leave it with us with a full tank of petrol and brand new tyres and expect them to still be there afterwards, I mean, perk of the job innit.
Before I give you the invoice for the work I have some paprework for you to complete, you have in front of you data on your cars engines performance, work out probability of what we have done to the EMS and confirm the predicted outcomes from the two given variables showing any correlation, determine how much you think is going to cost. Here is a clip board for you to write on, and if you could just take a seat, please show you working out and no talking to the person next to you or looking what they have written. When finished I’ll check your working out before giving you the proper answer and our bill.
An estimate? Tell you what: why don't I just go ahead and do the work, and you can pay me what you think is fair when I'm done? You can use my Jag while I'm fixing your Renault 2CV.

I think it's time for another career. But what? Physicist? Soldier? Pirate? Anyone got any promising ideas?
Mornington Crescent Professional Coach
You should always half-twist to Lancaster Gate.
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