You have a flat what? sorry sir but we only fit round ones.

Diesel, petrol? What the hell, they're both fuel aren't they?

Do you realise that for every mile you drive, a baby dies?

I would recommend changing the brakes as the cars stopping distances are a bit long when we tested, don't worry about the bumper as that can be replaced but we will have to bill you for the damage to our wall.

When you say "righty tighty", is that my right?