Hidden textI just went back over the various verses herein and I believe that the ones in which line three was used to develop the theme in lines one and two seem to give a sense of unified completion whereas those in which line three veers off into new territory end up conveying an unfinished feel more often than not. It doesn't seem to matter much in this scheme of evaluation whether line two takes a sudden left turn. Of course, now I come to think about it, a line two diversion leaves fifty percent more poem time to work through the new idea than a line three unsignalled turn.
[Sprangle] In my humble opinion it is not better, nor worse, than the average standard these days... KagomeShuko - American Football's more like "hand-egg" Marc - And USA pints are more a beer-keg
Has fettered this worthy WalloonWalloon: n. One of a French-speaking people of Celtic descent inhabiting southern and southeast Belgium and adjacent regions of France.
He shrugged off their words with distain Accompanied by this refrain: "Sticks and stones - hurt my bones, As do hurled traffic cones But, you see, I'm in love with such pain"
[SM] Well done - I didn't see anything wrong with Marc's line either, which uses a correct anapaestic rhythm. I would like to object to no-one picking up on the incorrect spelling of "disdain" though.
[Phil] I overlooked nasty "distain" There's a problem it seems with my brain It seems to be telling Me to ignore spelling When used in a hum'rous refrain
He shrugged off their words with disdain Accompanied by this refrain: "Sticks and stones - hurt my bones, Not to mention cellphones, That keeps filling my ears with deep pain!” (enough of this then...)
[Phil] Interesting - until you said it, I couldn't hear Marc's line in a way that made it correct. The influence of the rhythm of the original 'Sticks and stones' chant just got in the way, I suppose.
