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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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Like lambs to the slaughter
“Manslaughter!” (the cook’s doom in court)
"We're ready for take-off, get strapped"
"If you leave your seat, you'll get slapped"
"From your EasyJet crew"
"And Ryan Air too"
"We prefer pass-en-gers to be trapped!"
While cooking some nice chippolatas
To eat with nice mashed 'potatas'
I found that my beans
Were be-yond my means
It's a good job they came free and gratis.
I just ate a pineapple, chopped
At the end of my meal I just stopped
For I saw half a worm
With a lovely blue perm
It had certainly been 'Photo-Shopped'.
When you fall down a bottomless well
Your speed will increase like hell
You will notice a draught
And a sulphurous waft
With a distictive rotten egg smell
While murd'ring a Chopin Mazurka
I put down the Socialist Worker
PS. [Rosie] Having a flashback?
Retrograde amnesia
In the mines of Silesia
Thank god I was wearing the burka. can't see the relevance of lines 3 and 4, but hey...
Apparently, eggs are the thing
I'd say they are better than bling
When worn round the neck
They look stupid - but heck
Weren't Faberges fit for a king?
That genial chap Barry Cryer
Is a famously infrequent flyer
He mostly takes cabs
To his various rehabs
And his cycling is said to be dire
A friend of a friend of a friend
Has driven me right round the bend
This tenuous acquaintance Gotta gloss over a syllable in tenuous there
Is rather high-maint'ance Gotta gloss over a syllable there too.
And may not survive in the end. (Proj, penpenpenult.) I've killed the bloody lot, mate. :-)
No man is an island, they say
'Though Manxmen might just disagré
They chat and they hug less
And stay shy of Douglas
And they never come out to play
A headache at five is just great
If it leaves by a quarter to eight
But if it should stay
For most of the day
Romance is farfetched for your mate
While painting my room yellow ochre
I received an odd call from my broker
"You're quite in the red"
"You've no green stuff," he said
Now quit playing Black Jack and Poker!
I long for a long-lasting night
Where my fancy can truly take flight
But sadly, I lack
The relevant knack
To get all the works all upright
A lovely young mayor named Ken
Convened the town council at 'ten'
He loudly decreed
"From traffic be freed!"
And may all traffic lights stick at zen!"
Oh, play me those hot ragtime blues!
I'm wearing my new dancing shoes
I'm ready to bop
Or even Hip-hop
And you can all clap from the pews
The happiest one of my days
Was when I stole from the Krays
A vegetable squeezer
An upright fridge freezer
And a bra that clad Modesty Blaise
There once was a lad from old Bristol
Who roamed around town with a pistol
He only shot blanks
For which we give thanks
'cos the whole bloody town's made of crystal.
S,K,SM,R,ISP - awesome
I met a small swami from Dili
Who wanted to move somewhere hilly
I suggested Nepal
Where the hills are so tall
You ascend; you transcend; you go silly.
There was an old codger from Fareham
Who liked women's clothes and would wear 'em
But when he went out
He was struck with this doubt:
Should I take me clothes off? That'd scare 'em!
The antics of Pepe le Pew
Apart from smelling were really quite few
In his amourous pursuits he shows more persistence than Robert the Bruce's spider
Oops...wrong move , wrong game... nix that
The ladies he hounded
[irach] understandable mistake .. given the bizarre scansion in line 2 :-) Think I'll wait for the next one to come along.
[Chalky] You can wait ages for one...
[IS,P] how right you are!
By odour confounded
Their senses. They all joined the queue.
Perambulatoriously
I once ran into Aldous L Huxley
[irach] eek! far-be-it-for-me-mention-the-dreaded-scansion-word ... but hey - I've said it :-)
[Chalky] Hey, it was just clerihew that had got lost.
He looked at me wryly This one works well enough for me
Then stated quite dryly:
[irach] Did you think mine was perambulatoriously? Nah. I meant Perambulatoriously
[Simons] I think Chalky's talking about line 2 of this one which don't follow line 1. My reading of line 1 was as Projoy intended. Let's try and fix it.
Perambulatoriuosly
I ran into Aldous Huxley
He looked at me wryly
Then stated quite dryly:
You're not wearing knickers, I see.

Is that OK?
[ISP, Chalky] If you read mine the first way, irach's line does actually scan (and almost rhyme), to wit:
Perambulatoriously
I once ran into Aldous L Huxley

...so it depends if you think irach misinterpreted the natural stress pattern of my made-up word (which admittedly was difficult to do because in the word perambulator, the second and fourth syls are stressed in a not very limerickish way. Then again, if you were American, then peramulatory would be limericky, but the UK pronunciation would not. Then again, by analogy with notoriously, you might have realised the "correct" stress. Then again, one does naturally attempt to stress "once" in irach's line, before reading "ran". All in all, quite complicated. Maybe I'd better stick to real words hereon.

Muliebrity nudiastertian (look 'em up!)
Improves on my prior male version nudiustertian, actually
But now it's today
[PJ, ISP, Irach] I can quite see that differing the stress pattern can 'make it fit' but I still maintain that 10 syllabubs in a limerick line is too many. Losing the 'L' [as ISPers did] helps :-)
And I fear that I may [Pj] Nope, I still can't make it scan.
[IS,P] I can make it scan - I just don't understand it!
Become subject to gender recursion
The old lady who swallowed a fly
Has now got a gnat in her eye
Her nostrils have fleas
Her ears attract bees
And snakes wrap themselves round her thigh.
The builders are coming today
If they say that, you can only pray
That yesterday's news - I make no apologies.[SW] tricky one to follow which is probably why, once more!, the game has stalled
Doesn't bring on the blues
If so, play a twelve-bar in A.
nice :-)
Forget everything you were taught!
The sum of your knowledge is naught
Now with a clean sheet
Stand on just your two feet
And pretend we have freedom of thought
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