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Multiple Lines Per Player: A Limericks Special Edition
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Here's an experiment with the Limerick form. In this game (and this one only) it is permissible for players to contribute more than one line each to each limerick, just to see if we can increase the level of coherence in this much-loved form as practised in the Morniverse. Everything else is the same as normal... Take it away!
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Now my mailbox is filled
With new spam that’s been grilled
So I am free to use my web-cam putting that one to bed ...
I tried to find ice rinks to skate
On a trip to the Orange Free State
But all I could find
Was the roller-skate kind
Which started a heated debate
I've lost all my will to survive
Perhaps it is time to contrive
A method; a date
A partner, a mate
Who can jack up my lousy sex drive
I once found an ingot of lead
Tucked under the sheets of my bed
This slab of pure plumbum,
The cause of my numb bum,
Now anchors the wardrobe instead
My sandwiches fell in the bin
And got covered in raw chicken skin
At risk of contracting
Intestine extracting
I gulped a huge barrel of gin
I fear that that these strict Muslim loons
Who get angry at simple cartoons
Will settle the score
By being quick on the draw
And send round al-Qaeda's goons.
In a hut in north-western Nepal
An idol adheres to the wall
His one little eye
Sheds a tear by-and-by
For the fate that must surely befall. gulp
A
sprightly
old
widow
in
Kent |
Gave up
as she
Hidden textHad problems with stretching her tent; She raised it and said; Reminds me of Fred; Intention was good but his pole Oh so bent)
(Hide tags added posthumously by rab)
Hidden text[Anonymous] Why not try the
Hidden text tags? ;-)
Oooh!
Hidden textChalky!
That's just too
Hidden textclever!
visited Ghent |
She'd lost all
her money,
On horses
and honey |
Now
she's
riding
bareback (gee, thx rab for your kind assistance!)
to pay rent oblig.
When writing invisible lines
Make sure that your sentence aligns,
There's such an edict-
The rules are quite strict
And breaking them may lead to fines
I once saw a ghost in the hall
Play lacrosse, with his head as the ball
And, in place of a stick
He was using his hand
As he whacked his own head off the wall
I once won a long game of Fives
On a journey I made from St Ives
I gave my opponent
One smashing component
Then chopped him alive with my knifes (tough game in St. Ives)
When cooking a spicy hot meal
Make sure to have chop-sticks of steel
A sealed horseradish flask
A masala gas mask
And tastebuds that have little feel
At last it is Valentine’s Day!
Prepared for a roll in the hay?
Or are you toute seule
The loneliest girl?
Whatever - save time and go gay!
Number one is the loneliest number
And alone is the loneliest slumber
So find number two
And make whoopee-doo
Nine months down number three you'll encumber
[P,D & i] Nice!
I get a peculiar feeling
Whenever I look at the ceiling
I find that its beams
Give me curious dreams
In which I hear the bells pealing
In a church on an isle in the Seine
Prays a man: "Dear Lord, tell me when
Will I understand why
Barbie passes me by
Just what does she see in that Ken?
There once was a virgin from Stowe
Who felt a great itch down below
This peculiar feeling
Though quite appealing
Would come and then go, come and go
There once was a pig in a poke
Who was handy a telling a joke:
He told one to me
And I laughed, Yes-sir-ee,
‘til my T bone and Pork bone was broke
There was an old Pharaoh of Thebes
Who was mad about Great Crested Grebes
He cared not a bit
For a Booby or Tit
As did (so they say), Ann of Cleves
When blue-footed boobies fly over
Or even a rare piping plover
Don't look to the sky
Just lower your eye
And hum to the tune of 'Wild Rover'
There once was a Rover who swore
That no never would he rove no more How folky am I? :-)
Though barely so spoken
His promise was broken
When he roved where he hadn't before
Digging in to a bowl of hot chili
I'd bought in the Isles of Scilly
I found a small lump
Looking just like a pump
But it tasted like shrimp-stewed Ram-Willie
*applauds the 'Rovers'*
The Rover's Return to the Inn
Was thus met with a quarrelsome din
As he retold his life
Came a shriek from his wife
- He'd stuck her, not the doll, with a pin.
A bishop, while studying voodoo
Found himself knee-deep in doo-doo
"Exorcise me!" he cried,
"for this demon inside
is nasty and pooey and crude, ooh!"
With just tuppence for paper and strings
You can make up your own pair of wings
So dance on the breeze
Over houses and trees
Then crash in the midst of angels that sings
Marc - Her chastity-belt he had locked, another story begins...
But when he came back he was shocked
To his utter dismay
('twas on Valentine's Day)
He found that the padlock was crocked
sorry Marc, but your last line to me and Projoy's Mary Poppins lim not only didn't scan but was also a bit non-secateury. As the good book says - 'if in doubt, don't post' [which really means - if you can't nail it , butt out ]:-)
sorry Chalky, nevertheless I've posted it in good spirit and for sure it is not better than any of yours or Projoys lines but it is not so bad that anyone should bather commenting it the way you just did ;-)
www.nonsenselit.org/Lear/limerick/limerick.html
She went to the locksmiths one day
And said: “Can you please find a way,”
He took out his pick - [Marc] my comment reads a lot sharper than I intended, please forgive. It was the scansion that wasn't up to your usual standards.
[Chalky] Ironically, it almost scans according to the original tune! :)
She fondled his wick
He unlocked and she said “Let us pray!” [Pro/Chalky]It's called pacing...
When praying, it's best, I have found
To lower one's head to the ground
[Marc]
You see in the Limerick Biz.
We contributors get in a tizz -
When the rhythm's the shits
It just gets on our tits,
I'm sorry, but that's how it is.
Oops - sorry, Juxta - I'll repost yours
When praying, it's best, I have found
To lower one's head to the ground
No worries, I like yours better anyway ;)
Lift one's legs in the air
And balance with care
You'll be free with just one simple bound
Take some butter and cheese, and some crackers
Some paté; say, liver of quackers
A bottle of Krug
Carneros - 92 (or Pinot Noir twothousandandtwooo?)
A traditional meal for back-packers.....
How is Krug pronounced these days?
I can't help but sing while I Hoover
I often dance too - quite a mover!
Then last time - how unlucky Where I come from it’s pronounced crew that elegantly
As I hoovered - quite plucky would rhyme clue or ninety-two (which was a very good vintage by the way!)

• I can't help but sing while I Hoover
• I often dance too - quite a mover!
• Then last time - quite unlucky
• As I hoovered - so plucky
I got sucked in a vacuum manouevre
It's dark and it's dusty in here
You ain't got a Dyson™, that's clear
So get one you must
Or live knee-deep in dust
Look on ebay, they ain't very dear
This widgeon is quite undercooked
The stuffing has been overlooked
And in short, this poor bird
Still alive, so I’ve heard,
And the cook imprisoned and booked
There once was a lim’rick line writer
Who claimed writing lines so much brighter
Discarding his Quink™
he used luminous ink
And was known as a brilliant old blighter
The real problem with pigments and dyes
Is bad taste is the cause of sore eyes
Screaming pink with charteuse
+r
You inflict on your foes
At the risk of them taking the rise
There once was a widow-molester
Who tried to get hold of Aunt Esther
But she wouldn't let
The horny old get
Get out of her house till he'd laid her
Now then, Mr Software, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way......
The rhyming police has no right ...tough ending Mr Soft, hope you'll get out soon!
to handcuff submitters each night
The scansion cop, though
Is really the foe
And causes non-scanning individuals to find themselves in a bit of a sorry plight.
The time of the day when I walk
You’ll find is the time as I talk
to myself - so distracted
[Projoy] I am typing this in the most amiable mood imaginable, not with any malice, although with some alcohol. I seem to be alone in wondering why the Rhyme Police didn't have words with you, regarding "Chartreuse : foes" as a rhyme? However, I can't think of any English word Chartreuse does rhyme with. Americans, apparently would rhyme it with "deuce", but not me.
[Phil] I would think words like "infers" or "concurs" would be acceptable (though not exact) rhymes.
[Phil] Entirely my ignorance. Never having heard it pronounced, I had always assumed it was "shar-trose".
[CdM] Ah yes, thank you.
[Projoy] If you're in on the Ratby(post-Rugby)pilg, I'll crack open a bottle :-)
[Marc] As it seems everybody else are busy talking to themselves why shouldn’t you? Don’t you believe they are advocating about the fine set of words Chart Re-use? In the olden days when we were still writing limerick lines and not just chatting I’m sure someone would have written a bunch of stupid lines like: Whenever I’m getting the Blues, I mix some Juice with some Booze, once I fell and got a Bruise, and as I have a short Fuse, my pink Moose I turned Loose then started to Snooze, but no sane or sober contributor would ever be able to create such bullshit without any traces of wit, scansion and rhyme, don’t you think? And besides, why should anyone want to re-use old charts?
[Projoy] Just ignore these strange voices: they're imaginary really and I'm sure they'll go away eventually. :)
With chaos redacted
All the rhythm is knocked into baulk Assuming the scansion police are too busy dealing with the above riot
Your logic is incomprehensible
Your methods are quite indefensible
Your mission's heretical
Your product non-ethical [SW] well played , sir! That was a tricky :-)
But somehow it's quite indispensible
Uranus was born of his Gaia
Whilst Kronos had him as his sire
This put him at odds
With the rest of the gods
Who all said his dad was a liar
[Software] Ditto what Chalky said.
Appollo was never in need
With his chariot of fiery steed
One lash of his whip
Was destined to clip

A horse of incredible breed

I think I've said it before
You can't beat the power of Thor
On really tough stains
Pure fact still remains
Well beaten the shit is no more
Odin, "The god you can trust"

Whose visit is surely a must

To Freya, the beauty
Who wiggles her booty
And ends up all covered in dust
An arrogant godling called Zeus
Is once again out on the loose
Flaunting grandiose powers,
Giving swans golden showers,
Ruling all from his Mount O-lym-poos
Athena [who sprang from his head]
Is kept chained up in my shed
The reason you see
We do not agree,
Using red or black (or red?) silk-sheets in bed
Odin by far is lewdest of all www.pantheon.org/articles/o/odin.html
Frigg and Jord he gave a great ball
Then he sired a kid
By the Giantess, Grid
By giving her one 'gainst the wall ooh - that was SO rude of me
Our Giantess moaned and then said :
"I think that I’ll bite off your head," [Chalky]We thought Odin was the one and never expected this rudeness from you...
"But before that wee bite
I think that I might
Have four pints of lager instead"
There
once was
a feller from
Caen,
Who
juggled two
logs then went on ... u. s. a. alert
He
next tried with
sticks,
to perform
cunning tricks
But
missed as he
asked what he'd won

A
Who
     When
     It
So

A young
Who was
When all
It went
So sad

A young whippersnapper
Who was singing
    When all others
    It went "Take
So sad his
A young whippersnapper named
Who was singing off-key
When all others lamented
It went "Take Your
So sad his pathetic
A young whippersnapper named
Who was singing off-key
When all others lamented
It went "Take Your
So sad his pathetic
That might have worked if everyone had stuck to the same syllable count when adding. This is my feeble attempt to pull it together:

A young whippersnapper named Jake
Who was singing off-key at Ted's wake
When all others lamented.
It went "Take your rent, Ted" [the off-key song]
So sad his pathetic mistake.
[Chalky] Silk purse out of sow's ear, IMO, good stuff. Let's try another. Maybe we'll get better at it if we practice.
There
Who
     The
     All
And
There was
Who threw
     The old
     All five
And tied
Chalky] Nice finish.
There was a sting-ray
Who threw shrimp
The old octopi
All five chose
And tied that ray
[irach]hope you were aiming at something better than this?
There was a sting-ray named Irach
Who threw shrimp-pate at his flock
The old octopi (and four mates)
All five chose to die (as shark baits)
And tied that ray-gun to his jock
we may need some more practice?
[Randy] I'd have it a little differently:
There was a sting-ray, not so bright,
Who threw shrimp all around in a fight
The old octopi
(All five) chose not to die
And tied that ray up for the night
(still far from brilliant, but scans better :) )

You
Till
    But
    And
So

You said
Till the
    But I
    And you
So I'll
You said you would
Till the cows mooed
But I won't
And you will
So I'll wait in
You said you would stay
Till the cows mooed "Old
But I won't go
And you will just
So I'll wait in York

You said you would stay incognito
Till the cows mooed "Old Faithful" to Tito
But I won't go by
And you will just cry
So I'll wait in York Station. Finito.

[Blob]Excellent ‘finito’ considering raw-material provided!
A humble suggestion: Let’s try it from rear end for once:
vacation,
temptation,
fear,
near,
salvation!

...summer vacation
...to temptation
...never fear
...is near
...your salvation!

...on a summer vacation
...yield to temptation
...safe, never fear
Wonder Woman is near
...be your salvation!
...go on a summer vacation
...not yield to temptation
...are safe, never fear
Wonder Woman is near
...will be your salvation!
 (boring set of moves, that)
Batman, go on a summer vacation
Robin will not yield to temptation
Caves are safe, never fear
Wonder Woman is near
Her magic will be your salvation!
[irach] Well done, squire!
[everyone] How about a first - last - first - last - first word effort? Work backwards from the last words, forwards from the first...? I'm confident in you guys...

There
hated
The
fruit
Of
There was...
...was hated
The waste...
...was fruit
Of what...
There was a...
...truly was hated
The waste basket...
...rotten was fruit
Of what rancid...
hope it's not presumptuous to try finishing
There was a boss whose worth equated
With how much he truly was hated
The waste basket chute
Was rotten was fruit
Of what rancid answers he baited
OK, acrostic time; remember, the subject matter must reflect the word in the acrostic:

S
W
I
F
T

Speeding
While
In
Forever
Tachometers
Speeding down
While the rain
In the dark
Forever
Tachometers
Speeding down country
While the rain spatters
In the dark I
Forever aglow
Tachometers telling
(assuming a stress on "down" there, btw)
I just looked at my last post... "Was rotten was fruit"?? Oi, somehow I read it as "Was rotten WITH fruit", which you must admit makes a lot more sense... now back to your regularly scheduled players with talent.
My first attempt at this manner of Limerick writing. Here goes.
Speeding down country lanes in my lorry
While the rain spatters o'er Tobermory
In the dark I'm gung ho -
Forever aglow -
Tachometers telling their story
[Phil] A splendid effort - first or not.
What's next?
Well done Phil! (but as always winner must start the next, mustn't they... ;-)
Ok then, here goes for another acrostic:
My
Or
Neither
Even
Yet
My fortune
Or else
Neither rust
Even taxes
Yet I
My fortune is yet to be made
Or else
Neither rust
Even taxes
Yet I
My fortune is yet to be made
Or else all my hopes are to fade
Neither rust nor
Even taxes must
Yet I still
My fortune is yet to be made
Or else all my hopes are to fade
Neither rust nor moth doth corrupt
Even taxes must...
Yet I still....
sorry Marc- your stray 'moth' is making life awful difficult for us feeble souls that would wish to complete - any chance of revising?
Please Chalky, feel free to ignore my awfully difficult line. I thought you needed a few xtra syllables to be able to finish line 4? Good luck!
My fortune is yet to be made
Or else all my hopes are to fade
Neither rust nor revising
Even taxes must...
Yet I still...
My fortune is yet to be made
Or else all my hopes are to fade
Neither rust nor to get laid
Even taxes must be paid
Yet I still...
interesting concept with 5 rhyming lines....
My fortune is yet to be made
Or else all my hopes are to fade
Neither rust nor to get laid
(Even taxes must be paid)
Yet I still live my life as a maid
5 rhyming lines is acceptable - however, lines 3 & 4 with 3 beats each is not.
Another acrostic,shall we?
P
A
N
I
C
let's shall.
Perhaps
About
No
I fear
Could
(3,3,3,3,3, so far - so good)
Perhaps when
About time
No longer
I fear that
Could never
Perhaps when our
About time that
No longer will
I fear that swan's
Could never be

[Iroulay] Make it easy, why don't you? :-)

Perhaps when our experts arrive
About time! That means it's past five?
"No longer" Will said,
"I fear that swan's dead."
"Could never be classed as alive"


What
Who
When
Why
How
What matter
Who mutter
When nutters
Why splutter
How utterly
What matter those
Who stutter "F-f-flutter
When nutters whose
Why splutter those
How utterly buttered
What matter those guttersnipe's chatter
Who stutter "F-f-flutter
When nutters whose twitters
Why splutter those
How utterly buttered's my
What matter those guttersnipe's chatter
Who stutter "F-f-flutter" Such patter!
When nutters whose twitters
Why splutter those bitters
How utterly buttered's my batter
[Chalky] Well done, never thought this attempt could be landed safely!
Just a reminder of where we started:
This ‘peri-mental Limerick form
Trying to find its steady-state norm,

Can't help but to flux,
And thus the game's crux -
To gain a safe harbor mid-storm.
How about a seasonal acrostic?

A
P
R
I
L

A Springtime
Pretty
Rosebuds
Incredible
Lovely

A Springtime night frost
Pretty ice crystals
Rosebuds withering
Incredible sad
Lovely white hoarfrost
A Springtime night frost on the lawn
Pretty ice crystals glist`ning at dawn
Rosebuds withering
Incredible sad
Lovely white hoarfrost
 (I had to use a `, because the \\\\\\\' still appears to be adding obliques and I wanted to indicate the scansion)
Is it my fault? Sorry.
- Kill, kill...this limerick I mean.
A Springtime night frost on the lawn
Pretty ice crystals glist`ning at dawn
Rosebuds withering sadly
Incredible sad, so badly
Lovely white hoarfrost, foregone.....
Suggesting another try starting with the end rhymes:
….better,
….wetter,
….got,
….spot,
….get her.
...lot better
...yacht wetter
...pantaloons got
embarrasing spot
...not get her.
...I felt a lot better
...employ a yacht wetter
When her pantaloons got
An embarrassing spot
...I just could not get her.
…anyone having a better (or wetter?) suggestion?
Prince Andrews statement after the Fastnet-race 1985 as he (still somewhat seasick and with a hammering hangover) met with Fergie in Cowes, Isle of Wight (I was there so I know):
Last night as I felt a lot better
I swore to employ a yacht wetter
When her pantaloons got
An embarrassing spot
I knew that I just could not get her

Back to basics, romantic setting, 'Red sails in the sunset...'
While sailing along in the breeze,
Wind steady and life is at ease,
As the sails bulge, I kiss her... Mills and Boone soppy limericks?
I whisper, "I miss yer"
She pukes and goes weak at the knees
I live as a modest young maid
Drink tea while I wait to get laid
And I'm hoping one night
FFS!
Not to be so uptight
With my saucy Aussie from Ad'laide
Dear Chalky, I think that you're mad,
offended, and that makes me sad,
Dear Marc, there's a rumour
You've no sense of humour
What's more - you're nowt but a lad :-)
I frequently eat Parma ham
With lashings of ketchup and jam
For dessert I partake
Of fried pumpkin and hake
No wonder I look like Saddam
I love a nice fragrant Thai dish
It's my very best favourite wish
To dine on Pad Thai
And sip on a Mai Tai
While savouring galangal fish
My armpits are starting to smell
My feet are quite rancid as well
My toes has turned lose
They're stuck in my shoes
I'm blaming this hot, humid spell
I'm off now to get my car mended
The bonnet has somehow got bended
The fog lights are smasht
My rear fender is gashed
All thanks to my being rear-ended
If I had more money, and time
I would give greater thought to this rhyme
As it turns out I don't
And so therefore I won't
Try to do more than dash off this line.
As darkness slides down o'er the hills
I set up my illegal stills
The moonshine I make
I ship over the lake
And sell by the old disused mills.
We need to be true to the cause
And do duty without any pause
Nor thought of the self
Or of grasping for pelf
Let us march to the drumbeat of wars!
Last night he went out to hunt beaver
Just armed with a dreadful meat cleaver
He arrived home today
In complete disarray
Empty-handed and singin' 'Night Fever' .. like you do
Tomorrow the clouds will obscure
My view of the glorious Ruhr
For I am so high
On Cloud 9 in the sky
I won't see anything- that's for sure
I'm spending the night in a tent
In a farmer's field just outside Ghent
I plan to make sure
I get his best manure -
My euros on cr*p won't be spent.
Apols all
Take it from me - he's a cad!
He tells as it is – I’m so glad!
About flowers and bees
(Taught me spreading my knees)
So thankful I am - he's my dad!
In China they have rice with noodles,
Grilled rats and occasion’ly poodles
In Botswana it's lizards
Served with roast ostrich gizzards
Fish and chips? Oh relief! Give me oodles!
The loaf that I wear on my head
Shows I'm clever and also well-bread
There's just no disputin'
My chapeau-plus-gluten
What's more, I'm exceedin' well-fed - [Jux - lovely!]
One don't have a clue 'bout the poor - invoking toffdom for another rind
I just shoo 'em from my door
I tell 'em "Eat Cake"
Appear on Rikki Lake
Saying "Chalky wouldn't gie us no more" invoking commonisms
It's these multiple lines that I dread
Nothing funny takes shape in my head
It’s OK, lim’rick friend,
Let us wait for the end
And find out what someone else said
In this one I need just one line
I get two and that suits me just fine
So I'll give it a go
And then it's my throw
So the fifth line - (the pay-off) - is mine.
I really can't think of a line
That will start off a lim'rick divine
So instead, this'll do
It's over to you
To end in a way that will shine.
Today is a good day to die!
Said the spider who'd captured a fly
Now kindly keep still
And make up your will
While I make a bluebottle-pie
The old lady who swallowed a fly
Washed it down with a cupful of chai
She swallowed the spider
And chased it with cider
The question remains - will she die?
Sojourning awhile in The Hague
I noticed a doorway marked "Plague"
Upon opening I
Found Dutch apple pie
But the connection with plague was quite vague
We left Frances-Bay with the tide,
Two ships in the dawn side by side
But while leaving the port
We found we were short
Of the captain - poor bugger had died.
So we steered a course by the stars
All brave men with swords, most with scars
At the helm boatswain Luke
Being seasick, did puke
O'er the strapping Swede helmsman named Lars.
They sailed but got lost and they stranded
And none of them knew where they’d landed [irach] How did you know my name and part-time occupation? A correction though, I’m not strapping - just well hung (o’r the rail of the yacht when I’m seasick at least)
They'd steered so far right
Home was just back in sight
Their horizons weren't greatly expanded
On that island they thought they'd see Crusoe
But the one they ran into was Clouseau
Who had stranded last year
And he said: “Have no fear”,
"Ay 'av nevar 'ad rezon to rue so."
With multiple lines writ per player
Our wit throve on different air
But this game is now done
And should give way to one
That is new: to hang on were unfair.
*shouts, screams generally goes wild for Raak*
Yes, quite.
This was a nice game and the basic idea was good, most contributors seemed to like it as well. The odd diversions such as starting all five lines in parallel either way was not always a success and may need some time to find a more steady approach. See you out there in the next couple of MANDATORY (!) limerick games...
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord