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Multiple Lines Per Player: A Limericks Special Edition
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Here's an experiment with the Limerick form. In this game (and this one only) it is permissible for players to contribute more than one line each to each limerick, just to see if we can increase the level of coherence in this much-loved form as practised in the Morniverse. Everything else is the same as normal... Take it away!
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Prays a man: "Dear Lord, tell me when
Will I understand why
Barbie passes me by
Just what does she see in that Ken?
There once was a virgin from Stowe
Who felt a great itch down below
This peculiar feeling
Though quite appealing
Would come and then go, come and go
There once was a pig in a poke
Who was handy a telling a joke:
He told one to me
And I laughed, Yes-sir-ee,
‘til my T bone and Pork bone was broke
There was an old Pharaoh of Thebes
Who was mad about Great Crested Grebes
He cared not a bit
For a Booby or Tit
As did (so they say), Ann of Cleves
When blue-footed boobies fly over
Or even a rare piping plover
Don't look to the sky
Just lower your eye
And hum to the tune of 'Wild Rover'
There once was a Rover who swore
That no never would he rove no more How folky am I? :-)
Though barely so spoken
His promise was broken
When he roved where he hadn't before
Digging in to a bowl of hot chili
I'd bought in the Isles of Scilly
I found a small lump
Looking just like a pump
But it tasted like shrimp-stewed Ram-Willie
*applauds the 'Rovers'*
The Rover's Return to the Inn
Was thus met with a quarrelsome din
As he retold his life
Came a shriek from his wife
- He'd stuck her, not the doll, with a pin.
A bishop, while studying voodoo
Found himself knee-deep in doo-doo
"Exorcise me!" he cried,
"for this demon inside
is nasty and pooey and crude, ooh!"
With just tuppence for paper and strings
You can make up your own pair of wings
So dance on the breeze
Over houses and trees
Then crash in the midst of angels that sings
Marc - Her chastity-belt he had locked, another story begins...
But when he came back he was shocked
To his utter dismay
('twas on Valentine's Day)
He found that the padlock was crocked
sorry Marc, but your last line to me and Projoy's Mary Poppins lim not only didn't scan but was also a bit non-secateury. As the good book says - 'if in doubt, don't post' [which really means - if you can't nail it , butt out ]:-)
sorry Chalky, nevertheless I've posted it in good spirit and for sure it is not better than any of yours or Projoys lines but it is not so bad that anyone should bather commenting it the way you just did ;-)
www.nonsenselit.org/Lear/limerick/limerick.html
She went to the locksmiths one day
And said: “Can you please find a way,”
He took out his pick - [Marc] my comment reads a lot sharper than I intended, please forgive. It was the scansion that wasn't up to your usual standards.
[Chalky] Ironically, it almost scans according to the original tune! :)
She fondled his wick
He unlocked and she said “Let us pray!” [Pro/Chalky]It's called pacing...
When praying, it's best, I have found
To lower one's head to the ground
[Marc]
You see in the Limerick Biz.
We contributors get in a tizz -
When the rhythm's the shits
It just gets on our tits,
I'm sorry, but that's how it is.
Oops - sorry, Juxta - I'll repost yours
When praying, it's best, I have found
To lower one's head to the ground
No worries, I like yours better anyway ;)
Lift one's legs in the air
And balance with care
You'll be free with just one simple bound
Take some butter and cheese, and some crackers
Some paté; say, liver of quackers
A bottle of Krug
Carneros - 92 (or Pinot Noir twothousandandtwooo?)
A traditional meal for back-packers.....
How is Krug pronounced these days?
I can't help but sing while I Hoover
I often dance too - quite a mover!
Then last time - how unlucky Where I come from it’s pronounced crew that elegantly
As I hoovered - quite plucky would rhyme clue or ninety-two (which was a very good vintage by the way!)

• I can't help but sing while I Hoover
• I often dance too - quite a mover!
• Then last time - quite unlucky
• As I hoovered - so plucky
I got sucked in a vacuum manouevre
It's dark and it's dusty in here
You ain't got a Dyson™, that's clear
So get one you must
Or live knee-deep in dust
Look on ebay, they ain't very dear
This widgeon is quite undercooked
The stuffing has been overlooked
And in short, this poor bird
Still alive, so I’ve heard,
And the cook imprisoned and booked
There once was a lim’rick line writer
Who claimed writing lines so much brighter
Discarding his Quink™
he used luminous ink
And was known as a brilliant old blighter
The real problem with pigments and dyes
Is bad taste is the cause of sore eyes
Screaming pink with charteuse
+r
You inflict on your foes
At the risk of them taking the rise
There once was a widow-molester
Who tried to get hold of Aunt Esther
But she wouldn't let
The horny old get
Get out of her house till he'd laid her
Now then, Mr Software, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way......
The rhyming police has no right ...tough ending Mr Soft, hope you'll get out soon!
to handcuff submitters each night
The scansion cop, though
Is really the foe
And causes non-scanning individuals to find themselves in a bit of a sorry plight.
The time of the day when I walk
You’ll find is the time as I talk
to myself - so distracted
[Projoy] I am typing this in the most amiable mood imaginable, not with any malice, although with some alcohol. I seem to be alone in wondering why the Rhyme Police didn't have words with you, regarding "Chartreuse : foes" as a rhyme? However, I can't think of any English word Chartreuse does rhyme with. Americans, apparently would rhyme it with "deuce", but not me.
[Phil] I would think words like "infers" or "concurs" would be acceptable (though not exact) rhymes.
[Phil] Entirely my ignorance. Never having heard it pronounced, I had always assumed it was "shar-trose".
[CdM] Ah yes, thank you.
[Projoy] If you're in on the Ratby(post-Rugby)pilg, I'll crack open a bottle :-)
[Marc] As it seems everybody else are busy talking to themselves why shouldn’t you? Don’t you believe they are advocating about the fine set of words Chart Re-use? In the olden days when we were still writing limerick lines and not just chatting I’m sure someone would have written a bunch of stupid lines like: Whenever I’m getting the Blues, I mix some Juice with some Booze, once I fell and got a Bruise, and as I have a short Fuse, my pink Moose I turned Loose then started to Snooze, but no sane or sober contributor would ever be able to create such bullshit without any traces of wit, scansion and rhyme, don’t you think? And besides, why should anyone want to re-use old charts?
[Projoy] Just ignore these strange voices: they're imaginary really and I'm sure they'll go away eventually. :)
With chaos redacted
All the rhythm is knocked into baulk Assuming the scansion police are too busy dealing with the above riot
Your logic is incomprehensible
Your methods are quite indefensible
Your mission's heretical
Your product non-ethical [SW] well played , sir! That was a tricky :-)
But somehow it's quite indispensible
Uranus was born of his Gaia
Whilst Kronos had him as his sire
This put him at odds
With the rest of the gods
Who all said his dad was a liar
[Software] Ditto what Chalky said.
Appollo was never in need
With his chariot of fiery steed
One lash of his whip
Was destined to clip

A horse of incredible breed

I think I've said it before
You can't beat the power of Thor
On really tough stains
Pure fact still remains
Well beaten the shit is no more
Odin, "The god you can trust"

Whose visit is surely a must

To Freya, the beauty
Who wiggles her booty
And ends up all covered in dust
An arrogant godling called Zeus
Is once again out on the loose
Flaunting grandiose powers,
Giving swans golden showers,
Ruling all from his Mount O-lym-poos
Athena [who sprang from his head]
Is kept chained up in my shed
The reason you see
We do not agree,
Using red or black (or red?) silk-sheets in bed
Odin by far is lewdest of all www.pantheon.org/articles/o/odin.html
Frigg and Jord he gave a great ball
Then he sired a kid
By the Giantess, Grid
By giving her one 'gainst the wall ooh - that was SO rude of me
Our Giantess moaned and then said :
"I think that I’ll bite off your head," [Chalky]We thought Odin was the one and never expected this rudeness from you...
"But before that wee bite
I think that I might
Have four pints of lager instead"
There
once was
a feller from
Caen,
Who
juggled two
logs then went on ... u. s. a. alert
He
next tried with
sticks,
to perform
cunning tricks
But
missed as he
asked what he'd won

A
Who
     When
     It
So

A young
Who was
When all
It went
So sad

A young whippersnapper
Who was singing
    When all others
    It went "Take
So sad his
A young whippersnapper named
Who was singing off-key
When all others lamented
It went "Take Your
So sad his pathetic
A young whippersnapper named
Who was singing off-key
When all others lamented
It went "Take Your
So sad his pathetic
That might have worked if everyone had stuck to the same syllable count when adding. This is my feeble attempt to pull it together:

A young whippersnapper named Jake
Who was singing off-key at Ted's wake
When all others lamented.
It went "Take your rent, Ted" [the off-key song]
So sad his pathetic mistake.
[Chalky] Silk purse out of sow's ear, IMO, good stuff. Let's try another. Maybe we'll get better at it if we practice.
There
Who
     The
     All
And
There was
Who threw
     The old
     All five
And tied
Chalky] Nice finish.
There was a sting-ray
Who threw shrimp
The old octopi
All five chose
And tied that ray
[irach]hope you were aiming at something better than this?
There was a sting-ray named Irach
Who threw shrimp-pate at his flock
The old octopi (and four mates)
All five chose to die (as shark baits)
And tied that ray-gun to his jock
we may need some more practice?
[Randy] I'd have it a little differently:
There was a sting-ray, not so bright,
Who threw shrimp all around in a fight
The old octopi
(All five) chose not to die
And tied that ray up for the night
(still far from brilliant, but scans better :) )

You
Till
    But
    And
So

You said
Till the
    But I
    And you
So I'll
You said you would
Till the cows mooed
But I won't
And you will
So I'll wait in
You said you would stay
Till the cows mooed "Old
But I won't go
And you will just
So I'll wait in York

You said you would stay incognito
Till the cows mooed "Old Faithful" to Tito
But I won't go by
And you will just cry
So I'll wait in York Station. Finito.

[Blob]Excellent ‘finito’ considering raw-material provided!
A humble suggestion: Let’s try it from rear end for once:
vacation,
temptation,
fear,
near,
salvation!
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