Is everyone here for the editorial meeting? Ok, good. Heavy news week this week, so only the best stories are going to get space. We'll start with Cheddar Headlines. Ten words max, and the headline can be self-explanatory as in 'The Independent', or horrendously convoluted, as in, erm, The Cheesy Headline Game. Once the headline is finished, I'd like a few words containing the story in a news style, please. Subs, clear your desks, and let's get the presses rolling. Spike it once we reach the usual back page move.
In a bizarre series of events Parliament was cleared yesterday afternoon by the Speaker as he had been warned by security staff that a terrorist attack had been launched. All parlimentarians retired to the Members dining room where an imprumptu high tea was served by overworked catering staff. Meanwhile, security forces swept the House searching for terrorist devices. As Members sipped tea and munched scones and jam it was reported that trained suicide marmosets with rucksacks had been discovered hiding under the front benches. They were destroyed in a controlled explosion in Parliament Square by members of the bomb squad. A Cabinet spokesman said: "These Al Queda chappies will have to get up earlier in the morning if they think they can make monkies out of us."