It's eerily quiet here at Bethnal Green. Too quiet.

Last night I trawled Kings Cross but found few birds, though there was a fair number of transvestites. I have now returned to see if my night glasses will help ... hang on a bit there's something ahead of me with its head stuck in the sand ... could it be? might it be? ... Damn, it's just my local M.P.

CHarging up the ACME Ostrich Finder at the terminus at Euston Road, and looking very very threatening.

All very quiet at Amersham, looks like the trail has gone cold.

I've found some droppings at Acton Town. I'm beginning to regret not bringing gloves.

As no-one has joined my team, I am throwing in my lot with the Red team and will make my way to Archway, where I expect to pick up a distinct whiff.

Peeeeyewww!

*Completely fails to find anything poking around the Seattle Monorail Station*
Hmm... not even a monorail...

Ah, so the ostrich might be abroad? That might be why I can't seem to get the AOF working, needs its co-ordinates adjusted... I could use an assistant really.

*cough* Hatton Cross

Ostrich noises at Kentish Town! I blame 24-hour drinking.

I went to Osterley and looked in a fire bucket, all I found was a head in the sand.

Time to kill this one?

firing up ACME Ostrich Finder* Yes, boss... It says the blighter's at Mornington Crescent. And, by Jove, he is!

Hmm. Wasn't the "*" I missed off the start, was it?

Don't think so - let's try it again. Mornington Crescent

How very odd.

That shouldn't happen again - the bug that stopped Tuj from winning has now been fixed.

Oi, slap to the forehead. I mean, considering where things usually up around here I feel a bit silly for not checking there very first thing...