Is everyone here for the editorial meeting? Ok, good. Heavy news week this week, so only the best stories are going to get space. We'll start with Cheddar Headlines. Ten words max, and the headline can be self-explanatory as in 'The Independent', or horrendously convoluted, as in, erm, The Cheesy Headline Game. Once the headline is finished, I'd like a few words containing the story in a news style, please. Subs, clear your desks, and let's get the presses rolling. Spike it once we reach the usual back page move.
The Church of England Times: In a sermon last Sunday, the Rev. Wibley of Deeping St. Mary-in-the-Fields criticised Mornington Crescent as "pointless". "I don't believe there are really any rules to the games these people play," he said, "and visiting the station itself is just an unhealthy excuse to spend all afternoon in a pub. What shall it profit a man if he half-twist to Lancaster Gate, yet lose his own soul?"