Is everyone here for the editorial meeting? Ok, good. Heavy news week this week, so only the best stories are going to get space. We'll start with Cheddar Headlines. Ten words max, and the headline can be self-explanatory as in 'The Independent', or horrendously convoluted, as in, erm, The Cheesy Headline Game. Once the headline is finished, I'd like a few words containing the story in a news style, please. Subs, clear your desks, and let's get the presses rolling. Spike it once we reach the usual back page move.
The notorious and inane booty hunter, Mr. Serge Wigglinbotham, has finally uncovered evidence to suggest that the buttocks of famous actress and pop star Jennifer Tropez are indeed (as many have suspected) false. Rooting around in a discarded suitcase he found in a garbage dumpster within the actress' sprawling Florida estate, Serge discovered the suitcase had a false bottom. Within that fake interior he found a discarded pair of women's underwear with built-in padding, mimicking grossly enlarged glutei maximi. Wigglinbotham reported his scoop in an interview and picture spread featured in this week's tabloid rag, The Exploiter.
John Travolta, the aging darling of the silver screen, is currently filming a new musical in Australia based on the traditional Aussie song "Waltzing Matilda". However, the star refused to strut his stuff in front of the camera until he received fresh crisp white pants from the wardrobe department. "You can't expect me to troll around the set in these tramps trousers," he fumed, "what'll do to my image?" The film is though to be somewhat stilted by this demand from the leading man. The film's producer, who prefered to remain anonymous, said: "One just can't imagine a swagman strolling through the bush dressed like a 1920's tennis player, but, hell, its only a movie." Travolta is 51.
Woman Finds Vision Of Jesus On Meat Pie Anchorage, Alaska -- Bidding is now over $700 for a pie that some say has a vision of Jesus Christ on it. The Jones family that owns it says they found it on Easter and it was too good to eat, so they put the blessed pastry in a shrine in there garage bult specially for it. During an interview with Mrs. jones the facts are revealed: “ well it was Easter morning and I was flipping pastries john was at the table, and after flipping the pasrty I saw that it was burnt in the shape of a face, so I screamed and my husband jumped up and said its jesus in our frying pan! We were so glad to have received such a revalation that we walked through our neiboorhood visiting every house and letting them see our divine pastery. Its been three weeks since the incident and we still have it , jesus is starting to mould but we don’t think it right to desecrate the face of god”that concludes the news flash for today tune in next time for U.S nightly news.