Is everyone here for the editorial meeting? Ok, good. Heavy news week this week, so only the best stories are going to get space. We'll start with Cheddar Headlines. Ten words max, and the headline can be self-explanatory as in 'The Independent', or horrendously convoluted, as in, erm, The Cheesy Headline Game. Once the headline is finished, I'd like a few words containing the story in a news style, please. Subs, clear your desks, and let's get the presses rolling. Spike it once we reach the usual back page move.
The Langfield Arts Center is launching its new season of experimental comedies with "Botswana Brothel Brouhaha," by Mike Jeffreys, a knockabout farce set in an African bawdyhouse. All seems well among the prostitutes and their clients, until the madame's fiancé, who believes the building to be a high-class hotel, reveals himself to be a member of the vice squad! Will the ladies of dubious virtue win him over before he discovers the real reason why all the businessmen attending the International Drainage Conference are naked from the waist down? It promises to be riotous fun for all the family, and tickets start at just £5.00. Starring Hugh French as the fiancé (best known as the nervous postman from TV's "Dodgy Doggy Nips"™ dogfood advert), "Botswana Brothel Brouhaha" opens for a one-week run starting on June 15th.
A Doctor Who impersonator made a one-man protest at Gleneagles today, a month in advance of the G8 summit. He blamed the unreliability of his dematerialisation circuits for missing the conference. His warnings that some of the intended delegates were alien impersonators were "not taken seriously", police said. However, as a precautionary measure, a wheelie bin cull has been announced. Local Doctor Who spotters suspect a cover-up.