Is everyone here for the editorial meeting? Ok, good. Heavy news week this week, so only the best stories are going to get space. We'll start with Cheddar Headlines. Ten words max, and the headline can be self-explanatory as in 'The Independent', or horrendously convoluted, as in, erm, The Cheesy Headline Game. Once the headline is finished, I'd like a few words containing the story in a news style, please. Subs, clear your desks, and let's get the presses rolling. Spike it once we reach the usual back page move.
Cambridge, UK Minister of Wassailing, John Probe, was detained by British Special Service agents Sunday at Downing College and was charged with disseminating classified government information. Witnesses at the scene reported Probe was speaking to a gathered group of students about a military experiment codnamed "Project: WC", rumored to be the next generation in advanced toiletry science. Probe's lawyers were unreachable for comment.
Pope Benedict XVI today was seen in public wearing, for the first time, the footwear presented to him by Dutch Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende. He carried with him, the sacred shoehorn which was a gift to the pontiff by Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, Archbishop of Westminster. "There is nothing more British than a shoehorn," said the Pope, "and I look forward to utilising it on these splendid wooden shoes." The shoes are decorated with images of windmills and mice and are said to have the power to heal tulips.