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World's Worsest
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Start with World's Worst Chat Up Lines, till it wears out then start a new topic.
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But I have a BMW I can do what I like
You do know the kettle will be on back at the station? (Dujon) Haven't seen Mr Corkington for a long time.
I own the doughnut store down the street, so here's a proposition. You get free doughnuts, and I get off without a fine. Do we have a deal?
"Arrest me? You ain't got the BALLS to haul me downtown."
We, the people, pay your salary, so don't you start getting high-handed with me.
I'm surprisred that they even make police uniforms in your size. Yours must be made of highly elastic stretch fabric to accomodate that huge beer belly.
"Ooh, can I see your truncheon?"

and on that piece of unadulterated smut, can I suggest a change of topic?

Worst Things to Hear From Your Doctor

/optician/dentist/opthamologist/gynaecologist/acupuncturist/whatever takes your fancy, in this smorgasbord of medical options we find ourselves faced with these days.
Now on the basis that I never use mine, I took the liberty of assuming I could remove it. It's here in this jar.
Just for the record, would you mind leaving a list of next-of-kin with the receptionist, please?
"Do not be alarmed Mr. Johnston, a condom is required for this procedure. Now drop your trousers and lean across the exam table ....."
Well, the good news is....
Hm. Sounds like you should reinstall your cerebral cortex and reboot.
"Well, I've not seen one like that before."
Ah, simple. It's a textbook case. Hold on while I take a look in the textbook.
Congratulations, Mr. Murphy! A picture of the nethermost regions of your sigmoid colon will soon appear in the International Journal of Proctology. I have never seen one as intriguing as yours.
Should I attempt to revive the gerbil, Mr. Gere?
Excellent! There's some research I'm engaged in and you may be able to help. Have you ever heard of Dr Duncan MacDougall?
Hi! Nice to meet you. My name is Dr. Kevorkian.
The operation was a complete success. Unfortunately, we took out the wrong kidney.
Well, we did the genetic testing to find a suitable marrow donor and we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your cousin Sheila is a match, the bad news is that your dad absolutely does not match you genetically and is therefore NOT your biological father. Don't look at ME like that! Ask your Mom what happened.
"I'll be with you in a moment Mr. Blythe, just as soon as I finish my mornington crescent."
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