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World's Worsest
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Start with World's Worst Chat Up Lines, till it wears out then start a new topic.
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I know there's a dress code. But Billy insisted on wearing his sister's dress and a hair bow to school this morning and I am a firm believer in non-confrontational childrearing. So I couldn't refuse him, could I?.
"Those scars around his lips? Well, when we think he's being too noisy, we sew his lips together."
"Gooooooood morning, sir" Though maybe only aging Aussies will understand that.
You're a teacher? Oh, teach me, teach me. Please teach me.
"Here, I will lend you me cat-o'-nine-tails. If the child sasses you, flog him like me and the missus do."
We do not allow sugar in our household as it excites passion which may lead to masturbation. Apricots led to Eves fall from grace and the inevitable exile from Eden and must not be partaken thereof. God’s word is explicit in references to fungi and nuts of all kinds which are unclean. Sausages are forbidden as they resemble the male phallus and caused the Philistines to be cast from Judea. Semolina is strictly forbidden. If you had read your Bible, you would know that semolina is the devil's spurm.
I expect the other kids will learn more from Jenny than they will from you.
How much Shakespeare is learned by heart in your classes?
I always said I wanted my child to have all the things I never had. I never acted on my crush on my class teacher, for instance.
As I always say, those that can't do, teach.

New topic time...

THE WORST THINGS TO SAY ON 'WOMAN'S HOUR'
Oprah...who??
Of course, the Bible says that women are to be saved through childbirth.
Now let's run through what you should be preparing for your man when he comes home
Hello, and welcome to Woman's Hour. Put on your dungarees, light a Senior Service, don that boiler suit and it's off down the barber's for a crew cut!
Congratulations on operating your radio correctly - these things are jolly difficult, aren't they?
Gloria Steinem and Erika Jong? No, I've not read anything by those two chicks. Maybe I'll check their books out one of these days in the Public Library's Broads' Section
Why isn't there a "Men's Hour", eh, answer me that? Discrimination, that's what it is!
[Raak] I've long campaigned for a White Middle-class European Male Awareness Week..
[rab] That reminds me of the Onion headline at the beginning of November: "White History Year Resumes"
Our first guest is Wangari Muta Maathai.

You were born in Nyeri, Kenya, East Africa in 1940 and became the first woman in East and Central Africa to earn a doctorate degree. Since then you have become internationally recognized for your persistent struggle for democracy, human rights and environmental conservation. You have addressed the United Nations on several occasions and spoken on behalf of women at special sessions of the General Assembly for the five-year review of the 1992 Earth Summit. In 2004 you were awarded the Nobel peace Prize for your contribution to sustainable development, democracy and peace.

Welcome to Woman’s Hour Wangari. Now tell me, Kenya is a very hot country. What kind of hat do you wear in the summer?
Now we have Sir Randolph Jones to give a talk explaining Gordon Brown's budget the special simplified ladies' language.
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