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Coming In During Dinner
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The count has been counted, Returning Officers have returned, and party rosettes have been trampled underfoot in the Town Hall Chamber at the end of election night.
Get your glad rags on for the Local Party Election Victory Ball at the Town Hall Ballroom, 7.30pm for 8pm, black tie, carriages at midnight. But there are bound to be one or two late-comers...
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Mr and Mrs Two-Oh with their son Jay.
And lovely to see the cannonised St. Ella d'Artois and St. Ron G'bow.
Please all be upstanding for Mr and Mrs Quiri and their adopted Welsh son Dai.
Here come Mr. Canter, his lovely wife Dee and their daughter Brandy.
Please now give a rousing welcome to Madame Vignon and her husband Saul, and Frau Ontherocks and her husband Martin E.
Now arriving are Dr. Andtonic and his lovely bride Jen and Ms. Cordial with her fiance Liam.
Ah, here come our Far East visitors -they've travelled all the way from Siam, welcome please Mr. Thai and his lovely wife Mai and from Japan Mr. Kaze and his lovely wife Kami.
From Scotland, Mr and Mrs Manport with their son Sandy.
Now arriving, Mr. Orum and his lady Peg, and Mrs. Schott-Ovodka with her husband Hugh G.; they're talking to the hosts of tonight's ball, Mrs. Cohol and her husband Al and Mr. Verage and his lovely wife Bev.
They're the party poopers, but please welcome anyway, our uninvited guests, Mrs. Taler and her fiance Tito and Mrs. Ered-Downedrinks and her husband Walt
Please welcome Mr and Mrs Weiser with their son Bud.
Here come Mr. and Mrs. Heiser-Busch accompanied by their daughter Ann
Please now welcome Dom Ignon and his son Perry.
Now announcing the arrival of Mr. Sette and his wife Annie and Lady Hua with her husband Karl.
Adding some spice and flavour to tonight's event, here come Mrs. Buca and her husband Sam, Mr. Gelico and his wife Fran and Mr. Schino accompanied by his wife Mara.
Please now give a rousing welcome to Mrs. Edectine and her husband Ben and to Mrs. Tura-Bitters and her husband Angus.
Where would this Ball be without them? - please welcome Mrs. Enders and her husband Bart and Mr. Kennnot-Stirred and his wife Shea.
And please welcome Mr and Mrs Mish-Stout with their daughter Bea.
Here now is Mr Todd E. and his fiancee, she's hot! And here from gay Paris comes Madame Eaumouton-Rothschild, who brought along her chat.
Please put your hands together to welcome Mrs Ot and her husband Merle, and Ms. Jolais who's here with her beau. Here now come Mrs. Ihana-Sake and her husband Ben.
Please welcome and make admiring comments to Mr and Mrs Cham with their baby. (Surely too young to be at a ball. Ed)
Now arriving, effervescent as ever, the DeCork twins and their pop, followed (as is so often the case at these soirees) by Mrs.Over and her hubby Hank
And following Hank Over, from Germany it's Herr Ofthedog.
Arriving now, Mr. Ttomsup and his dear wife Bo, Mr. Ut and his better-half Sal, and Mr. and Mrs. Stemware and their lovely sparkly daughter Crystal.
Please welcome Mr and Mrs Pintofshandyandabagofcrisps and their son Arthur
Here come the Steins and their tall daughter Beersheba, known to us all as just Beer; let's drink to their health and that of our other arriving guests , Mr. Zeltov and his Ma.
Please welcome Mr and Mrs BennetthowlongdoesittaketochangeabarrelforChrist'ssake and their thirsty son Gordon. Trad.
Here, making a clandestine entry, are Mr. Shine and his lovely wife Mona, followed by Mr. Sotted and his wife Bea and Mrs. Lated and her pet chihuahua Pixie.
And as the evening draws to a close, please welcome from Sweden Mr and Mrs Torders-Please with their son Lars.
Even later arrivals are Mr and Mrs 'AveyerglassesPLEASE and their son Les.
And now, at last here' Mrs. Sleepitoff and her husband Homer too.
Making sure everyone is on the up and up at the Ball, here come Mrs. Galdrinkin-Gage and her husband Lee
And now, arriving just in time, Ms Kaseltzer with her devoted Al.
"Egad, here comes that dreadful widow Stumpwater and her hillbilly daughter Georgia."
Please now welcome Mr. Lindrunk and his wife Maud and Mrs. Pefied and her husband Stuart, nicknamed Stu.
Yeeeeeha! Joining the fun and coming in dancing an Appalachian barn-stomp are Ms. Tryhooch and her man (and also her first cousin), Conrad, that's Con to those of us who know him (and his still in the backwoods) quite well.
From Transylvania here's the Prince of Darkness, Count Ivar-Vodka with his son Vlad. (Transylvania? Surely Warrington. Ed)
Please welcome the voluptious Ms Hatton and her man, furtively followed by "E" from MI5 and her current control Martin.
That's "voluptuous" of course!
Ah, here straight from Havana are Mrs. Jito and her husband Mo, followed by Mrs. D'Punch and her husband Spike.
Rita and her friend marge have just walked in, accompanied by Senor Colada and his wife Pina.
Please now welcome Ms. Bristolcream hand-in-hand with someone, whose hand is it she's holding? Oh yes, it's her brother Harvey's; and now here comes Mrs.Ishwhisky with her husband Ira.
Ach, please now welcome from Scotland Mrs. Dronach and her husband Glen and from Cork in Ireland Mrs. Sirishcream and her husband Bailey.
And now from Shanghai, its Mr. Chi who's here with his Auntie and looky here, its Mr. Aresco now arriving with his wife Barb.
Here's Ms. Ness with her fiancee from Marseilles Guy; followed by Mrs. Aner-Dunkelweisse and her husband Paul and from Quebec here come Mr.Sonlager and his wife Molly, affectionately known as Mol.
They're so cool- please now welcome Ms. Uminiumicebucket and her husband Al and Ms. Typroof and her pet poodle Fifi.
And from the Basque border of France in the Pyreeness, here are our distinguished guests, Madame Ouleguy-Cabernet and her Monseuir Ira
Maybe it's time for a new set? How about Late Arrivals to the Shakespeare Enthusiasts' Garden Soiree? Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to our annual garden party felicitating the Bard of Avon! I am pleased to announce the arrival of Mrs. Ornottobe hand-in-hand with her little boy Toby, followed by her daughter Beth and husband Mac.
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Thefourthpartone and their son Henry. Not allowable, strictly, because the name is there already, but sod it.
Now arriving Mr. Trical and his wife Thea and Mr. Byanyothername and his wife Rose.
Please now welcome Mr. Enkranz with his wife, also named Rose, and Mrs. Iban with her husband Cal.
All the way from the BBC (Bogota Bard-lovers Circle) please welcome Senor Uscezar and his wife Juli
Here comes Mrs. DeMona and her husband, Desmond, who we better know as Des, and Mr. Wivesofwindsor with his wife Mary.
And now please welcome Col. Waretheides-O'March and wife Beatrice, who we know by her nicknmae Bea.
Look who's here! It's Dr. Stern and his lovely wife Guilda.
Please welcome Mr. Oftheshrew who's arrived with his Vietnamese fiancee, Tami Ng.
Closely followed by Mrs AssPoorYorick with her husband Al.
Ah, her comes Mr.O'Medes with his lovely wife Di
And what would this Midsummer Night's soiree be without them - please welcome Mr. Ryqueen and his enchanting wife Fay.
Now arriving, Ms. Morelovely and Ms.Moretemperate with their mutual friend Art and here's Mrs. Lock and her little daughter, oh she's so shy, as is Mrs. Budsofmay's little darling - they too have just walked in.
From Italy, please welcome Ms. Ofverona who's accompanied by two gentlemen, and now here come Mr. Tonio with his wife Ann, and his good friend Mr. Anio who's here with his wife Bess.
Please welcome Mr and Mrs LusandCressida with their son Troy, along with Mr and Mrs TersTale and their son Wyn.
And now, welcome Mrs. O'Lanus and her little boy Cory.
Announcing the arrival of Mrs. Iloquy and her huband Solomon, who's known to all and sundry as just Sol.
Please welcome Mrs. Ingdom-Forahorse and her husband Mike.
And now, sure to make a big splash - Mrs Turd and her husband Richard D.
And now, scaling the wall to get here, are Ms. Amusandthisbe and her lover boy Pierre.
Now let's give a well proportioned welcome to Mr. Sureformeasure and his wife May , Mrs. Net who's accompanied by her son and Mrs. Zabethan and her husband Eli.
Please welcome, on my left Mrs Gue and her husband Monty, and on my right Mrs Pulet with her consort Charles Anthony, known to all as C.A.
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