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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
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Jenny Agutter
Few would toss the term "slag" at 'er
But you can't help but notice
To be alone with her would surpass the joys of the lotus.
Biggie Smalls
gets shot, falls
He had taken a rap
Now he takes an eternal nap
Andrew Lloyd-Webber
Wrote the musical "Jesus Christ Superstar" in which a scene depicts the protagonist healing a leper
Sarah Brightman
Is his ex-wife which perhaps is enlightenin'
Barry Cryer
Was responsible for casting the most recent TV version of 'Robin Hood', the one that omitted the Friar
Whereas Graeme Garden
Would have got the job had he not started visibly to harden
Boris Yeltsin [Darren] Yech.
Under whom most Russians had to pull their belts in
He also liked to drink and dance and slap ladies on the bottom
Whereas in the same situation Joseph Vissiarionovich Stalin would've just shot 'em
Richard Gere
Is rumoured to be queer
If so, in the entertainment industry he would not be alone (Softers) Probably apocryphal, but Michael Caine was asked if he thought Gere were gay. He replied, "Dunno, could be. Let's say 'e'd 'elp out if vey was short-'anded".
I've heard stories about Sharon Stone...
Richard Gere? A recipient of swollen goods? How very dare you!
Julia Roberts
Ahem!
Julia Roberts
Is harder to rhyme than Helen sodding Mirren
Be that as it may, she has toothache and 'er gob 'urts.
Like many movie stars she has put it about a bit
You won't read about this in her official leave-the-dirty-bits-out obit.
Prince 'Arry
Must some day marry
Perhaps he'll marry another man
's wife like his dad did - because he can...
The Reds' Daniel Agger
Can walk with a swagger. Expect Rosie to be less than full of praise...
As Rafa approaches the final with glasses tinted rosé
Let his team get slaughtered and be full of woes - eh? Nice try, Phil :-)
Old Mother Goose
Had a number of flings with a number of ganders and was therefore considered in avian circles to be quite loose
Old Father Gander
Was also known to philander
Phil
Likes to think of himself as a curmudgeon who, while not old, could be said to be in view of the top of the hill
Whereas I
Don't even have to try ;-)
Domenico Scarlatti (Pj) I can still just about see the hill, I'll have you know, young man. ;-)
Was famously catty:
In Rome, he was judged to be a better harpsichordist than Handel
[Rosie] That's me, waving curmudgeonly, from the top of the hill
To whom Haydn couldn't hold a candle.
Brian Sewell (Phil) Curmudgeonly is an adjective. You were waving curmudgeonlyly. It was obvious. :-)
Is not very cooel
But he doesn't care [Rosie] Curmudgeonously perhaps? Curmudgeonlyly is just silly :P
As long as he can pontificate about art made of pubic hair [Rosie/Tuj] It'd be curmudgeonlily anyway.
Niccolo Paganini
Didn't write itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka-dot-bikini
He did, perhaps, have double-jointed fingers [Rosie et al] curmudgeonly is also listed by the OED as an adverb with the qualification that it is rare. Perhaps curmudgeonrily might be a better adverb, as it's based on the act of being a curmudgeon.
More use to him than to singers. Invoking The North.
Jacques Chirac
He won't be back
But Nicolas Sarkozy
Finds the presidential throne cozy.
Ségolène Royal
Was brought up in the Transvaal
Not, as some believe, in the Witwatersrand
Which is where Jacques Chirac was born, on the other hand.
Damon Hill
When he parted company with Williams, the feeling was ill
Now he's older, he's feeling better
But tends to try and keep it a secret that he is still a bed-wetter
Damon Runyan
(or Runyon)
Often went to a corner stand in Times Square, Manhattan to buy a hot dog topped with mustard, relish and onion
But Mickey Spillane
Found if he did that, he'd quickly see that hot dog again.
Doctor Beeching
Close the branch-lines was his teaching
Unfortunately, this reduced the traffic on main lines too
Oh, poo.
Peter Hain
Just can't explain
That probably says it all
Which causes this clerihew to stall
MP for Barking, Margaret Hodge
Spends here evenings in a sweat lodge
Wheras the late Enoch Powell
Would stand naked in the moonlight and howl
Germaine Greer
is near
Enough a feminist to make no difference
And that statement would make her take offence
George Bush's brother Jeb
smokes Red Leb
But nobody really cares
About his heady airs.
Former First Lady, Hillary Clinton
If elected President, promises to outlaw Badminton
Her attitude to tennis
Is nothing short of menace ... using one of the FEW remaining rhymes...swiftly moving on.....
Humph
Takes one lumph
While Samantha, Colin and Sven
Eaach take ten
The late Princess Di
She and Prince Charles didn't always see eye-to-eye
But she played the doey eyed wounded princess role very well
Until she became an adulteress and went to hell (possibly)
Satan
Can be utterly infuriatin'
He can be as nasty as hell
As well.
Saint Peter
Could be neater
While Saint Paul
Wrote to all
Lord Coe
Lately unveiled a logo that was no go.
It looks like Lisa Simpson giving head
It'll probably kill the London Olympics stone dead.
Nebuchadnezzar, King of the Jews
Tossed Shadrach, Meshach and Abednago into the furnace and lit the fuse
Though technically he was really king of Babylon
And a drug addict, and in rehab belong. (Softers) Don't make it easy, do you, you bastard. -:)
Jeff Stryker
Are we referring to the one who is a porn star or the one who is a writer?
Whenever he has writer's block (candidating for feedline of the month)
He can at least be thankful that he doesn't have to resort to improving the contour of his trousers with the aid of a sock.
Lewis Hamilton
Is looking sick, ill, wan [Kim] At least it wasn't Helen Mirren.
Still, he is pretty quick
Goes at quite a lick.
Lady Hamilton, Horatio's lover
Has never been pictured on a heavy metal album cover
Horatio's lover, Lady Hamilton
Lived with him on Menorca near Mahon
Johnny Briggs
Collects outrageous wigs
His brother wrote The Snowman
While Johnny appeared in Man About the House as a Milkman
Johnny Depp
Sexy? Yep.
Vanessa Paradis
Sexy? Oui.
George Melly
Was far too rarely on the telly
Unlike Roger Mellie
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