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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
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Which shone through in an accent he made no attempt to suppress
Kate Moss ...topical or what?
Who gives a toss?
What supermodels snort
I care naught
.
Hugo Weaving
Acts in films unlike those from Ealing
His films these days tend to have lots of effects
But not enough sex.
Juan Pablo Montoya
A veggie, into soya
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
His combined realism and fantasy batters your head
Madonna
Or, more boldly,
Madonna
Her husband's new film, Revolver seems to be a gonner
While she dabbles in Kaballah
An activity that will do little to improve her pallor.
The Sultan of Brunei
Knows of only two things he cannot buy:
My undying love,
And Allah, above.
Ashton Kutcher
Halal butcher Could be. Day job.
As far as I am concerned it doesn't matter
How the meat gets from the field onto my platter
Muhammad Ali
Was better than even Mr. T in Rocky III
However, the latter had the upper hand
Over Henry Cooper in this land.
Long Ben, The Pirate
Had a musket but couldn't fire it
d'Artagnan, on the other hand
Seemed to use his sword, just like the rest of the band.
Ken Clarke
Would make an excellent Bellman if they ever filmed 'The hunting of the snark'
Whereas Michael Howard
His career is soured. Rule 1 - All Welsh Tories shall have names beginning with H. (Howe, Heseltine, Howard). Rule 2 - None shall have a Welsh accent, ever.
David Davies Based on Rosie's analysis, obviously unelectable
Has been distracted from the leadership battle by his love of gravies
His attention to diet (Softers) I think he's a Davis, and not Welsh AFAIK.
Was cleverly instilled subliminally by his opposition to keep him quiet. Bizarre conspiracies #11603
The late, great Ronnie Barker Re - Tories. The disturbing thought has occurred to me that I am of 100% Welsh descent, have a surname beginning with 'H' and do not have a Welsh accent. Dear Agony Aunt, am I a Tory?
For television commedians, the marker
Four candles we'll light to remember
And keep lit 'til just before it turns November. fitting tribute, even by accident
The sightless David Blunkett
Who has been known to take the odd junket
Has a rather uneven beard
And a staggering degree of arrogance and cupidity that in anybody, let alone one who professes to be a so-called 'socialist', is quite frankly wierd. But I'm sure he's a nice guy, really ... It's not his fault alone that his meagre political achievements are writ in sand, and the tide is nearly in already.
Queen Boudicca Pronounce it as you will . . .
Proud leader of the Iceni who despite worshipping pagan gods were not wicca
Had a bit of a thing against the Roman invaders
And was born before the invention of rubber waders.
Morgan Freeman *nodded assent to Darren*
Is noted for for having fluorescent green socks which are frequently coated in monkey semen
And while that may seem just a little bizarre
That's the way left-handed people are. I should know.
Karl Rove
Is slithy as a tove
While Dick Cheney
Aint so brainy
Guy Fawkes
Only cost one penny and had a football for a head, and presumably his voice sounded a bit like Tony Hawks
He was known for his dire works
In November 1605, beneath the Houses of Parliament he plots and lurks
Mrs Beeton
Her tomes on household manaqement are well known and her recipes are often eaten
Except for the braised lamb shank
Which needs marinading for so long that it always ends up tasting rank
Jacques Chirac
Regularly examines the Paris Cac
Currently, he has a burning question
Which is giving him acute indigestion.
Pikachu
Was a nasty little computer virus
Like
(If you ignore the computer virus bit) David Icke
Faux fur
Oft worn by famous personalities such as Cher
Who also has a new arse Wonder who he is. (nfras) First line is supposed to be a person.
After a faux pas by nfras
James Bond
Is wont to throw villains into the nearest shark pond
Whereas Pussy Galore
Tried to show him the door.
Isaac Bashevis Singer
For Gollum was something of a dead ringer (according to this photo)
However
He'd never been to Micheldever.
Marcus Trescothick
Always travels with a lucky red brick
Presumably to assist his stonewall batting
Like, say, Mike Gatting.
Paul McDermott
Seems to get about a lot
While Paul Simon
Prefers rhymin'.
Antonio Stradivari
Probably didn't speak Polari
But Bartolomeo Guarneri
Sounded just like Julian Clary. String 'em up, I say
Robert Schumann
A genius, with failings all too human
Some of his works were destroyed by Brahms
A fact about which some people are up in arms.
Rudyard Kipling
Had muscles so rippling
That If he wrote
He'd rock the boat.
knew
She
Would dump you if she caught you kissing her best friend in Argos full on the lips, so don't even think of blaming me.
Sir Philip Sydney
Was shot at Zutphen (though not in the kidney)
"An Apology for Poetry," perhaps like this, was something he wrote
Whilst observing his favourite beast, the mountain goat. ".. ye goat-herd Gods that love the grassy mountains .." *sigh* they don't write them like that any more ..
Percy Bysshe Shelley
A died in the wool conservative? No, not on your nelly!
Atheist, freethinker and rebel
If the Library won't help then perhaps the Web'll.
[softers] dyed, dyed, dyed. One hundred times please :o)
Sorry, miss. Will you spank me? dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed, dyed. :-)
Lady Di ...pronounced "dye"
[softers] No. Don't ask again.
Didst die ...pronounced "dai"
In a Paris car crash ..pronounced "ker-ash"
Some might say that was a bit rash.
Galileo Galilei
Made a telescope with which to spy
While Nicolaus Copernicus
Caused a fuss.
The Artist Formerly Known as Prince
Has been silent since
He was asked to pronounce his new name
Since when he's never been quite the same
Dolly the sheep
Was rather surprisingly found to be philosophically deep
However, her sibling, also called Dolly
Said very little except for, "Oh golly!"
Little Bo Peep
May have inadvertantly started an urban legend by falling asleep
Of greater consequence is her ovine misplacement
Nevertheless, an otherwise disasterous situation was fortunately averted by the sheep's intrinsic capacity to reorient.
Tommy Steele
Nostalgic appeal (Softers) 'Ere, that don't rhyme.
[Rosie] I saw him in "Scrooge" at the Palladium last night, incidentally.
Not dead yet
His maker he's not met.
Terry Dean Whilst in nostalgia mode. [Rosie] mmm, it was a bit tricky, it does end in '-ent' :-)
When Googled gives 153,000 options to glean
My money's on the New Zealand rocker
I doubt he remembers Jarvis Cocker
Kingsley Amis
Yes - that's what his name is -
Has a brother
With whom he shares a mother
John Le Carré
used to go dancing at the Hammersmith Palais
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Choreographer
Now that the Cold War is over, his next book is rumoured to be about a geographer.
Rupert Sheldrake
Has resonantly morphed into a corncrake
Our collective memory won't let us forget him
And his belief that animals communicate through telepathy was memorably tested in The colour of magic when Rincewind and Twoflower impersonated chelonauts and were launched (closely followed by The Luggage) over the Disc's Rim
Christian author C.S.Lewis
Intended his work to be sung to music by Peter Brewis
However, his writings in moralistic parables using imaginary creatures from fantasy worlds
Endeared him, particularly in the North-East, to children sitting at home suffering from curlds. (y'knaa)
Roald Dahl
Wrote books with characters that would often snarl
Whereas Enid Blyton
Had famously five and secretly seven to write on.
George Orwell
Seemed to foretell
Reality telly
And farms being taken over by George Melly
Colin Sell
Contrary to popular belief, can play the piano rather well
While Liberace (cf)
To my untrained ear, sounds rather starchy
Saint Nicholas
Is traditionally greeted by a cry of, "Please tickle us!"
Whereas Saint Christopher
In his sheepskin, is "Mr Fur".
Good King Wenceslas
Felt cold, so he sent for 'is lass
She, as the Queen of Bohemia
,Made things somewhat steamier
George Frederick Handel
Wrote mostly by the light of a candle
But Benjamin Britten
Was with gaslight smitten
Edgar Allen Poe
Was only 40 when he had to go
Fifteen years older than his late wife Virginia
Who was 25, but you knew that didn'ya?
Harriet Beecher Stowe (continuing trinomiality)
Never hunted polar bears on an ice floe
Although the subtext of Uncle Tom's Cabin
Absolutely fascinated Premier Yitzhak Rabin.
Margaret Bleeding Thatcher . . . . and happy to continue yet further . . .
Ran so fast no one could catch her
While her embarassing non-identical twins
Raided Oddbins
Richard Milhous Nixon
Was married to an alcoholic vixen
Whereas James Earl Carter (irach) The founder of Fucks Fox News?
Married his next door neighbour, who certainly was less of a lush but not much smarter.
Dwight David Eisenhower
Wielded supreme executive power
So, alas, did Joseph Vissarionovich Djugashvili
Who ruled with a firm iron fist, albeit willy-nilly.
George MacDonald Fraser
Rarely went out without his Household Cavalry blazer
Quite unlike Norman Stanley Fletcher, old lag
Who never went out at all while he was banged up for a blag.
Thomas Stearns Eliot
A Yank, and Nobel Prize Laureate
Was,like William Butler Yeats,
A poet frequently called upon to open fêtes
William Topaz McGonagall
Wrote much deathless verse, such as his lament on the Tay Bridge disaster, which will never pall
whereas e e cummings
had all his teeth. removed without. Numbings.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
Had he been born a couple of centuries later, would probably have ended his days as a minor celebrity who showed up in second-rate quiz shows on the telly.
As it was, he died in 1822
Which made Mary blue
Julius Henry Marx
Amused us with his larks
While George Bernard Shaw
Was rather more of a bore.
Jeremy John Durham Ashdown
Often pictured with a frown
Not becoming Prime Minister must have been a bit annoying
But he made up for the disappointment with his quasi-military envoying.
Simon Phillip Hugh Francis Neil Callow
Has achieved the unlikely feat of making reality TV even more shallow
In bold, obviously
Openly gay and acts the part
Wherever do his talents start?
Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde
Comitted buggery and was then reviled
He started his days within the Pale
But was later found guilty in a court of law, convicted, and sent to jail.
Harry S. Truman
Was human, all too human
He insisted the S was a name and shouldn't have a period after it, but wrote the period in his own signature himself
Perhaps this was a conscious attempt at irony, but he also ran the camp canteen at Ft. Still and it's entirely possible he just snitched one too many bottles off the shelf.
Jaramogi Oginga Odinga
Was the Octogenerian of Kenyan politics.
For African democracy, he was a key thinker ABAB then?
Although his sense of rhyme often went for six.
Edmund Clerihew Bentley why not?
Never treated scansion particularly gently
Rhyme and coherence, though, were the sine qua non
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