Another adaptation of Hamlet, but with crucial details cut out such that the story is very difficult to follow.

A man loves his mother very much.

Socrates annoys a lot of people and gets executed without ever finding a satisfactory definition of piety.

And I know that's a book - but how much worse would the film version be?

The hero, a failure, steals from, then murders a successful sky-dweller, motivated entirely by envy and sizeist prejudice.

Typical rags-to-riches plot, weakened by the unbeleivable glass slipper episode.

Incredibly, the entire movie contains not one single reference to Nietzsche.

"Let's do Star Wars, with jokes! Or perhaps not."

Jews are bad. Transvestives are good. Meddling dead people know what's best for you.

The movie begins when the earth blows up, this is found to be insignificant.(I know that the movie is not out yet but hey)

The plot is of the radio series is chopped up, rearranged and generally screwed around with. This is also found to be insignificant.

His father is a petty thief, and he learns petty theivery from him. No-one dies.

Rosebud was his sled.

Turn off, tune out, stop thinking and believe.
Indigo
Turn off, tune out, stop thinking and believe.
What The Bleep
Turn off, tune out, stop thinking and believe.

An exultant celebration of the peak of Western civilisation.

The singing nanny demonstrates a deft touch for childcare and gets off with the chimney-sweep.

The singing nanny demonstrates a deft touch for childcare and gets off with the baronet.

Sigourney Weaver gets a haircut, everyone runs about for a bit, then Sigourney Weaver dies. Warning: contains scenes involving Charles Dance.

[With apologies to Raak] An exultant celebration of nature vv the pits of Western civilisation.

[with apologies to Raak and Bob] A bunch of disjointed images with music to match.

Frank Drebin attempts to prevent the assassination of the Queen using all the skill, subtlety and ingenuity of the real-life police force. The main clue that it's a comedy is that he succeeds.

Black and white film, dodgy camera work, cheap backing music (a guy playing a zither - can you believe it?). Oh, and the leading man does't appear until an hour into the film. All the hallmarks of a cheap B-movie, I think you'll agree.

Some astronauts don't die.

It gets cold.

Apparently it wasn't.

Surrealism. Murder. Bare breasts.

A group of eccentric old men do considerable damage to the British war effort, but apparently make up for it by capturing a couple of German airmen at the end.

Two implausibly sunny children squeak incessantly while a mad inventor and the heiress to a sweet factory fall in love in a car which is half Bentley half umbrella.

Lots of vampires around lead by vampire with short-man-syndrome. Big show down with good guy with flashy sword, baddie goes pop like the weasle.

Lots more vampires now led by Emperor Palpatine. Lots of freaky GM vampies. Oddballs vampires join good guy, odd balls die one by one. Good guy falls in love with odd ball, shows her a sunrise - oops!

Even more vampires (really you'd think more than one person would have found out about them by now!) now led by some dim girl having a perpetual bad-hair-day - good a reason as any for wanting to kill people I guess. One whiney ex-vampire who thinks he's funny gets beaten up, good guy loses best friend, Dracula fails to find a shirt with buttons or contact lenses that stay in place. Upset by this he fights good guy, dies. Sun rises, lots of vampires turn to dust. Sales of dust-pans go up by 60%, duster making factory saved - all live happily ever after.

She does.

nothing to do with 3.14, oddly.

Attempt to make contact with aliens leaves everything open-ended in the end with nothing but 18 minutes of blank video tape to show anything happened.