mc5 - So the Danish guy dies

Well, we've all seen those promising trailers that make the worst films seem like the next Oscar winner - how about writing a description that makes a classic sound absolutely dire? e.g. So there's this teenager and he hates his mother and his stepdad and there's loads of drugs and gore and they all die. Only better, hopefully. And without Mel Gibson.

Gusset Login

Casablanca

A bar owner bets that the most wanted man in the western world can get out of town. He then gives the guy a plane ticket and starts a "beautiful friendship" with a frenchman.

Raak

Shrek

Ugly troll wins beautiful princess, who turns out to be an ugly troll, and the two live happily ever after, thus saying something deep and meaningful about conventional standards of beauty, a message fatally undercut by the fact that the bad guy is also portrayed as physically defective.

Robin

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Loosely based on the original television series, but with none of the excitement. At the start of the film all the characters have aged about twenty years. An hour into the film, so has the audience. At that point, the entire concept of storytelling completely breaks down and the movie degenerates into a son et lumière show lasting even longer than 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Breadmaster

Psycho

A film about a young man and his mother. Except that his mother's dead. No wonder they couldn't afford colour with a premise like that.

Sir Henry

The Wicker Man

Scottish policeman mislead into thinking a crime has been committed - it hadn't.