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So the Danish guy dies
help
Well, we've all seen those promising trailers that make the worst films seem like the next Oscar winner - how about writing a description that makes a classic sound absolutely dire? e.g. So there's this teenager and he hates his mother and his stepdad and there's loads of drugs and gore and they all die. Only better, hopefully. And without Mel Gibson.
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Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Loosely based on the original television series, but with none of the excitement. At the start of the film all the characters have aged about twenty years. An hour into the film, so has the audience. At that point, the entire concept of storytelling completely breaks down and the movie degenerates into a son et lumière show lasting even longer than 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Psycho
A film about a young man and his mother. Except that his mother's dead. No wonder they couldn't afford colour with a premise like that.
The Wicker Man
Scottish policeman mislead into thinking a crime has been committed - it hadn't.
Barbarella
Jane Fonda searches for 80's popular beat combo whilst wearing entirely inadequate spacesuit.
The Lord of the Rings
9 hours in which they find a ring, then lose the ring. Lots of battles, but few of any intrinsic relevance to the ring thing. Some people fall in love, but very implausibly, and the main characters are all gay.
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