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So the Danish guy dies
help
Well, we've all seen those promising trailers that make the worst films seem like the next Oscar winner - how about writing a description that makes a classic sound absolutely dire? e.g. So there's this teenager and he hates his mother and his stepdad and there's loads of drugs and gore and they all die. Only better, hopefully. And without Mel Gibson.
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Four weddings and a funeral
Rich Londoners go to a lot of weddings. Then one of them dies and they all go to his funeral. And one of them falls for an American woman but is too much of a wuss to do anything about it until right at the end. Oh, and they all swear quite a lot.
Citizen Kane
The main character is dead when the film begins. What more do you need to know?
Any version of 'The Christmas Carol'
A minor character is dead when the film begins. A miserly old scrooge called Scrooge... bah Humbug... Gets spooked three times. Merry christmas everyone. (I ran out of steam a bit; I only wanted to do the first line, then I thought it looked lonely.)
Eraserhead
Think of the last time you blew your nose. Think of the noise it made, and that's the soundtrack. Think of what came out of your nose, and that's what the main character's baby looks like. Think of what you did to what came out of your nose, and that's essentially what he does to the baby.
West Side Story
A girl and a boy fall in love, a couple of people get killed... yeah.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
An engaged couple break down in their car, so they go to this house they've never been to before and sing, dance and have sex with pretty much everybody there. Aliens make the house disappear. The end.
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
For anyone who ever said "I'm going to tear up the washstand and pitch it through a window." Nobody falls in love.
Carry on Camping
Barbara Windsor gets her tits out. That's about it.
Brazil
A comedy about administrative mistakes and their hilarious consequences.
The Day After Tomorrow
A hard winter hits New York.
Jaws
A shark eats people. Well, what do you expect, that's what sharks do.
Ghandi
A story about someone's life that starts with his funeral. Once you've seen someone buried you don't need to know the rest.
Gone With the Wind (PG)
Romantic tragi-comedy set against the backdrop of the American Civil War about a woman who makes the mistake of marrying the wrong person, three times. Contains some mild swearing.
Donnie Darko
Kid in a small town has some psychological problems, which makes him think he travels through time. Except the ending makes no sense because it seems to suggest he actually can.
Ghost (15)
A man is brutally murdered in a city street. He is so in love with his girlfriend that his ghost tries to make contact with her. Except that the ending makes no sense because it seems to suggest that he actually succeeds. Contains some sexual references.
Fight Club
A man is so bored with his life he makes up an imaginary friend to blow up his appartment, have sex with his crush, teach him to make soap, get a friend killed, and overthrow all governments.
Die Hard
A policeman embarks on a bloodbath after getting trapped in a tower block. At no point does this seriously ring true to life.
2001: A Space Odyssey
A computer crashes while a big black cuboid floats around for no apparent reason. At this point, the entire concept of storytelling completely breaks down and the movie degenerates into a son et lumière show.
Casablanca
A bar owner bets that the most wanted man in the western world can get out of town. He then gives the guy a plane ticket and starts a "beautiful friendship" with a frenchman.
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