There's a big rock in the middle of my vegetable patch. I can't lift it and I hoe round it. I told my friend and he said "You can't hoe 'round? So, hoe square" Frankly I could've killed him for that.

The lower half of my leg has gone to sleep. Wake up, knee!

Kim] I find a good slap with a rolled-up copy of last month's What Ford? magazine generally cures any pins and needles.

I'm just a sucker for "easy listening" music, such as the Tijuana Brass with Herb Alpert on trumpet.

My neighbour wants to borrow my Flymo™, but I can't see how my lending it to him will do any good. He concreted over his lawn two years ago.