Forgive me, that was far too bold. Hope I'm not too unpop'lar.

I've taken up breeding chickens. It's not working very well though; the cock fosters no feelings for any of the hens.

Bloody hell! Both my neighbours have let the maintenance on their vehicles go for too long, and now every morning I am awakened by the sound of badly adjusted rockers rattling like the Coyote's teeth after a dinner of Acme Earthquake Pills™. My street should be called the Cam Din Road if you ask me.

There's a big rock in the middle of my vegetable patch. I can't lift it and I hoe round it. I told my friend and he said "You can't hoe 'round? So, hoe square" Frankly I could've killed him for that.

The lower half of my leg has gone to sleep. Wake up, knee!

Kim] I find a good slap with a rolled-up copy of last month's What Ford? magazine generally cures any pins and needles.

I'm just a sucker for "easy listening" music, such as the Tijuana Brass with Herb Alpert on trumpet.

My neighbour wants to borrow my Flymo™, but I can't see how my lending it to him will do any good. He concreted over his lawn two years ago.

I've always been a fan of Laurel and Hardy. I think Ollie is funny, but Stan more so.

I just met a guy who flies estates around the country. Which is impressive. I mean, I land gardens, but that?! wooo. I am in awe

I see that the Government is finally going to act on Town Planning loopholes.

I wasn’t convinced that river crossings could be effeminate until up minced a bridge

I really do need to move out of my US neighborhood, but pulling up roots might leave some big holes in the English landmass and sink that big island into the sea. *sigh*