Some joker has rigged all the seats in my office with an unpleasant surprise for the owners. When someone sits in one they soon discover the arse-nail the swine left for them.

[Bif] That's quite a common trick, known colloquially as the pinner.

My local butcher has been advertising celebrity pork products, he is attempting to make some kind of clap ham? Comm'on, noboy will ever fall for it.

All the shops around here have there christmas stuff out. Before I moved I never saw a christmas tree up prior to December 12th. I wish I was still in my old street.

If Cindy can't, Barbie can.

Forgive me, that was far too bold. Hope I'm not too unpop'lar.

I've taken up breeding chickens. It's not working very well though; the cock fosters no feelings for any of the hens.

Bloody hell! Both my neighbours have let the maintenance on their vehicles go for too long, and now every morning I am awakened by the sound of badly adjusted rockers rattling like the Coyote's teeth after a dinner of Acme Earthquake Pills™. My street should be called the Cam Din Road if you ask me.

There's a big rock in the middle of my vegetable patch. I can't lift it and I hoe round it. I told my friend and he said "You can't hoe 'round? So, hoe square" Frankly I could've killed him for that.

The lower half of my leg has gone to sleep. Wake up, knee!