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Liff? Don't talk to me about Liff!
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An old favourite from the Douglas Adams stable, well-known to anyone familiar with Pants MC. The game of giving dictionary definitions to place names. Please define the place provided by the previous player, and then post one of your own.
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The complimentary sweets left on your hotel room pillow. Often foul tasting and made of mocolate (pretend chocolate).

Tintwistle

Yorkshire dialect for "It is not a whistle"

Nottingham
New non-invasive form of vasectomy.

Brasted

One of those plastic thingies used in lingery shop windows to display female underwear.

Acton Turville

Pretending to be a great Welsh baritone. (Softers) Unfortunately it's "Bray-sted". :-(

Craven Arms

The feeling of really really needing a hug.

Selma

The name of a brand of salt substitute consisting of small white crystals but otherwise having nothing in common with salt.

Midgeley

A village half way between Uppergeley and Lowergeley.

Acton Turville

You've just done that, you old codger. 'Ave anuvver go, mate. :-)
Have I? Showing my age. :-(
Let's try:
Upper Seagry
Losing the contents of one's digestive system through the upper end, due to seasickness. The more inconvenient Lower Seagry is fortunately less common.

Tirstrup

A narrow band of cloth used to bind the feet after removing after removing an inconvenient thorn, drawing pin or Stickle Brick. The middle of the band is wrapped around the affected area of foot, then the loose ends are criss-crossed around the ankle and lower leg to above the point of the calf where they are knotted. A tirstrup is sturdy (it won't come off even if worn under heavy boots) and can act as a tourniquet if necessary (should the would be the result of snake bite, say).

Derwent

The technical definition of a long hike in heavy rain, usually through inhospitable moorland or over inconveniently large hills, either done by an organised group of people (almost invariably the Ramblers' Association) or over a route well-known enough to have become famous as a long-distance hike in its own right (e.g. the Pennine Way). Ian Botham's famous derwent from John O'Groats to Land's End raised masses of money for leukaemia research, but caused him to do enough long-term damage to his legs and lower back so as to pretty much ruin his cricket career a few years later. He was never the same player again.

Madrid

Thad fit of peak whereby you throw out a load of junk during a tidying session, only to regret it later.

Pinkney

The knuckle of your little finger.

Murmansk

A satisfied semi-somnolent noise made while partaking of a glass of pleasantly strong liqueur in front of a blazing fire on a winter evening.

Edeltoft

The filling inside the most expensive and luxurious of Norwegian duvets.

Garway

A border town so named at the turn of the 17th Century due to the townsmens vocalised dislike of visitors.
Chiswick (Sorry senior moment)
A scented candle used during esoteric Chinese therapy sessions.

Yatton Keynell

A sudden panic experienced when you arrive home from a three-week holiday in foreign climes, and realise that you have no idea where your house keys are.

Ootacamund

Prone, due to heavy drinking.

Vagliagli
An Italian culinary cure for impotence.

The Mumbles
A minor disease, caused by impotence.

Nacton
An micro particle, made up of nuclear/radiocative salt. In its natural state it is deemed to be quite harmless but once processed becomes unstable! In this form it is used as the main flavouring for Knick-Knacks!

Edale

Cheese flavoured with beer.

Kirk Yetholm

A retirement home for starship captains.

St. Dogmaels
The resting place of the self-declared patron saint of Mornington Crescent. (Or, at least, it WILL be, when I catch up with the bugger. *evil grin*)

Otago

The African name for a label or name tag, often seen attached to small school children whilst visiting a place of interest on a school trip!

Cebu

A Romanian brand of hair oil.

Iskandriya

A device for removing condensation from tinnies freshly removed from the fridge.

Dursley

A 1920's dance that, for a short time, rivalled the Charlston. Unfortunately, due to a high number of sprained ankles, the Dursley faded into obscurity. It enjoyed a short revival in 1933 but the cost of the reinforced ankle boots (required to avoid said ankle problems) made it prohibitive for the working classes.
In 1975, the music for the Dursley was rediscovered by Richard O'Brien and incorporated into his musical 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'. He changed the name of the dance and re-wrote some of the choreography but the tune stayed the same.
"Let's do the Dursley again" bacame the world-wide hit "Let's do the Time Warp again".

Mallaig
Exclamation uttered by a Scotsman marching through the heather, on being bitten by a cleg beetle.

Chorban Suburgan

The work often carried out by middle aged gents (and upwards) on a Sunday and only on a Sunday in suburbs all over the world. Examples of such jobs are; Mowing the lawn, Washing the car, Painting the garden shed or garden fence, fitting a new spoiler to your Morris minor....

Delph

The Middle Earth equivalent of a wide-boy-bit-of-a-geezer type creature.

Findo Gask

Findo Gask was a hobbit who left the stiflingly boring Shire and went to seek his fortune among the southron lands. While the minor northern fracas between some jumped-up hedge-wizards obsessed with an overvalued ring passed by, he was by turns a trader, thief, bandit, horse-dealer, merchant, beggar, mercenary, spy, and many other things, told in a series of richly textured fantasy adventure novels which Tolkien never got around to writing.

Esh Winning

The malicious premature playing of a winning move in a game on a Mornington Crescent server is formerly known as "Esh Winning". The furore this usually causes amongst the other players is informally known as "Esh Whining".

Ystradfelti
Accusation made against a gentleman who has wrapped his legs around a chair and started touching himself


South Wonston
South Wonston is quite near where I live and reminds me of stuff I'd rather not be reminded of. Can someone do it - quick - and put another name in there? Please :-)
South Wonston was, in fact, the stiflingly boring Shire village from which Findo Gask (qv.) shook off the dust from his heels and never looked back. He would never, ever, speak of the place afterwards, and grew murderously violent with anyone who did. In his declining years, settled in a land where nobody had ever heard of hobbits and taking to drink, he was liable to accost anyone of short stature and hairy feet with the words, "Ye a Wunster, eh? eh? Are yez? ARE YEZ?" and attempt to beat them senseless with a stout walking stick.

Changue

To bash the keyboard in frustration as you spot yet another typo!
[Chalky] Sorry... Where I am (wouldn't say quite near, but not light years) it's colloquial for a long relieving of the bladder. Well, just me really...

Perth
Thomething in whith girlth keep their money and thtuff.

Dauntsey Green

A village in the Shire known for having a large proportion of gay hobbits.

Great Blasket

A rare diving bird found off the coasts of the Scilly Isles, the Great Blasket feeds on tourists, and so its numbers are threatening to grow.

Hugh Town
A place where grants are available to the gormless.

Waitara

The thing you have to constantly say to Tara PT when your out shopping for a new Porsche....

Palma

A mummy's boy.

Malmesbury

Her Majesty's cheese.

Armitage

A place where a knight makes a solitary vigil the night before a quest.

Gweedere

The Manx name for a gardener who's job it is to remove weeds from flower beds and moss from lawns.

Heyrod

Constables follow up picture that never quite made the grade

Flitwick
a Casanova

Cricklade

Awkward sleeping posture. (plump, Softers) Top stuff!

Connah's Quay

The place where a tourist ferry pulls up, and touts of various sorts try to fleece them.

Cleethorpes

Clee is the old slang word for clay and Thorpes is the old English word for pipe or pipes. Hence, Cleethorpes are Clay-pipes (of the smoking variety)

Blacon

Chinese pig comestible

Otley
Large round tea bags made for groups rather than the individual ones

Podington
Podington is the temporary camp set up for the podingers who gather annually for the Great Pode Hunt. What the Pode is is a closely guarded secret.

Whauphill

A common athletic muscular strain believed to be one of the more easily curable causes of impotence.

Stoke Goldington
Very potent Ganja. It has 4 times the strength of "Skunk Weed" and can make all but the hardiest of users go blind.......Bob Marley used to smoke at least 7ozs of Stoke Goldington a day!!!

Tetbury

A French ostrich farm

Bexwell
A purported tourist attraction which consists of something rather uninteresting given a picturesque and largely fictitious historical background. For example, a natural spring in a corner of a field that someone put a wall around way back in 1932 and called "Beck's Well".

Dunfermline

The mystical art of laying out (lining out) any large sports arena, playing field. Once finished the head lines man will utter the mystical chant DONE FER MY LINE, which signals the job done and the area is then ready to play on...

Fleetwood

A type of mac.

Roxbourne

The principal activity in the Geological Maternity Ward.

Plymouth
A vocal affliction common among those who ply their wares in the street. To reduce the strain on their voices, they make as little use of the vocal articulatory apparatus as possible, reducing the words to barely recognisable grunts and moans.

Cornwall

The home-run boundary in the film Field of Dreams, which would have been shot partly in southwestern England if the local lobby that had the region renamed had been successful. Not specifically mentioned in the film because of the obvious irrelevance of any part of the field more than five feet ahead while Kevin Costner is batting; cf. "Irrigationditchdugout," "Cowdroppingshomeplate," "Nameyourownagriculturalimplementpairedwithbaseballterm," and the particularly ornery "Bullpen."

Leeds
Old English term meaning the meeting place of sheep.

Sandbach

A small Welsh bricklayer's mate.

Borrowash

To recycle the bath water, ie putting multiple children in the same bath then using the water to wash the pots afterwards. Also a slang term used for those dodgy memebers of society that pinch ladies underware from washing lines!!

Laxey

The state of the "Ais Gill" (qv.) after six pints of Winter Warmer and a Dansak Madras.

Biblins
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