Accusation made against a gentleman who has wrapped his legs around a chair and started touching himself

South Wonston is quite near where I live and reminds me of stuff I'd rather not be reminded of. Can someone do it - quick - and put another name in there? Please :-)

South Wonston was, in fact, the stiflingly boring Shire village from which Findo Gask (qv.) shook off the dust from his heels and never looked back. He would never, ever, speak of the place afterwards, and grew murderously violent with anyone who did. In his declining years, settled in a land where nobody had ever heard of hobbits and taking to drink, he was liable to accost anyone of short stature and hairy feet with the words, "Ye a Wunster, eh? eh? Are yez? ARE YEZ?" and attempt to beat them senseless with a stout walking stick.

Changue