arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
Conversation ƒtoppers
help
In the words of Dunx: "I suppose it's a long way off yet, but listening to this week's ISIHAC I liked the game of "Opening Lines" where the players would provide a line guaranteed to end the conversation with famous personages. Eg - "So, Mr Bush - is English your first language?" "Table for Mr Stringfellow and his granddaughter!" To Rod Hull - "Where's your emu?" Well, it made me laugh a lot anyway."
arrow_circle_up
Sweeney Todd - "A little more off the top, please"
George Dubya Bush - "Hi - Here's your free sample from Pete's Pretzels..."
Dr. Spock - "What's the planet Vulcan like at this time of year?"
Henry Ford - "But I want a white one!"
Michael Howard - Did you threaten to overrule him?
Dale Winton How's your girlfriend?
George Dubya - How do you spell WMD?
Jeremy Paxman: "How are you, answer the question for goodness sake, how are you?"
Peter Pan - "Why, hello little lady ..."
Frodo Baggins - "Why, hello little lady ..."
Gollum - "Here's a riddle for you: What's I got in my pocket?"
Gandalf - "... rather fond of hobbits aren't we?"
[and finally] ... Your new cellmate - "Why, hello little lady ..."
Lady Godiva - " Good morning. I'm from the Health & Safety department. Your hair is unsafe at that length, and must be tied up above shoulder height..."
Lady Chatterley - "...and when did you take on David Mellor as gardener?"
Phil Tufnell - "KEEP OFF THE GRASS!"
H.G. Wells - "...and how do you feel about being evicted from the Big Brother house?"
Queen Victoria - "Have you heard the one about the Englishman, the Irishman and the Scotsman..."
Gareth Hunt - "How do you feel about becoming a part of Cockney Rhyming Slang?"
Douglas Hurd - "How do you feel about becoming a part of Cockney Rhyming Slang?"
Sherlock Holmes - "I'm from the drugs squad..."
Henry Stanley - "Ken Livingstone, I presume?"
[Picard to Kirk] "My Enterprise is better than yours!" (which I've heard Patrick Stewart did actually say to William Shatner during the making of Generations.)
Capt'n Scott.........where did I put that F******g map?
David Beckham - "That penalty miss must have really upset you. Put it all behind you and try Rugby".
To the creator of 'Big Brother', the television show - "Tell us about your childhood."
To Nadia on Big Brother - "So, you were once a bloke, right?"
To David Dimbleby - "What can be done about the problem of nepotism in the BBC".
Clement Freud: "At your age, I bet you're grateful just to get to the end of the minute."
Nick Leason: 'So what made you leave your last job?'
Ruth Ellis: "I bet you're a bit of a swinger!"
Jeffrey Archer: "I loved your prison diaries, I hope you have a chance to write more volumes!"
John Bunyan: "How are those pilgrims of yours coming on?"
Rapunzel: "... before I hazard to climb your fair tresses, tell me truthful, are you indeed bald of head?"
St John the Divine: "Hey man, that's some heavy trip, can I score some?"
Torquemada: "Hello, I was expecting you."
Lancelot du Lac: "She a goer, then, is she?
Doubting Thomas: "You may already have won..."
Abraham: "Sacrificed any kids lately?"
To a sysadmin of my former acquaintance who wanted to restrict our Usenet feed on moral grounds, but lost the argument: "Burnt any good books lately?"
To my wife - I'm going out with my mates tonight Technically, this is a conversation stopper because the conversation stops and an argument starts.
United Airlines Stewardess - "Whoa purty lady, you just lit the fuse on the heat seeking missile in my pocket."
Elijah Wood - "You're smaller than you look on film."
King Richard III - "Would a donkey suffice?"
Romeo: "Forget her, she's not worth it, get better stuff down C*ntgr*p* Lane."
Mother Superior - "Oh F*ck!"
Joan of Arc - "Whinge, whinge, whinge. You're such a bloody martyr." (Dunx - love that one!)
To Ken Livingstone - "It's about twenty minutes' drive".
Tom Cruise at the fun fair.........sorry son you have to be a few inches taller to ride on the merry-go-round
To John Wesley - "Coming down the pub, then?"
John Knox: "Let me introduce you to my wife, the minister for our parish."
Martin Luther: "95 theses? Impossible, I sweated for three years over just one!"
To George Best: "Well, life depends upon the liver, as the old saying has it."
The Wright Brothers: "Bet you lads can't do a loop-the-loop in that thing."
John Prescott: "Here's your bus pass, Mr Prescott."
To Napoleon Bonaparte: "For Heaven's sake, grow up!"
To Louis XVI: "Heads or tails?"
To Nostradamus: "I can't see your ideas being acceptable in the future."
To General Douglas MacArthur: "How's the tennis going?"
To Douglas Adams "Sorry, why was it 42?"
Humphrey Lyttelton: "You're that trumpeter fellow Kenny Ball, aren't you?"
To the Spanish Inquisiton (In Monty Python, at least) "I've been expecting you."
The Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe: "You're child allowance has been stopped."
The Aged Mariner: "I've heard that one before. Now, this really happened..."
Prince Philip: "I'm here to revoke your shotgun license" (deeply ashamed at the apostrophe abuse in my previous entry)
Queen Victoria - "Come on, cheer up!" [KH] Well, I didn't like to say...
To Captain Oates - "See you later, then."
To Richard Branson: "Well, are you?"
To Engelbert Humperdinck "So what ever happened to Gerry Dorsey, then?"
arrow_circle_down
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord