- "No, nothing to declare.... Yes, yes that's me in the passport photo, admittedly the picture was taken a few years ago and I didn't have the beard then... No, I haven't any previous convictions for anything of the kind, I told you - I'm here on behalf of the Beeb, doing a report on your government's Human Rights record. These guys are my technicians, yes, all my papers are in order... What? ... No, I don't see why you need to open the case, but if it'll keep you happy I - wait, why is he putting on those gloves? Hey now, just a minute! Hey, get your filthy hands off of - Get off! Help! Help! Call the British Embassy before they stick their hands up my -" [Transmission Ends]

-"The Late Jeremy Bowen there, with a report on the situation in Zimbabwe, which he recorded earlier today."

They Think It's All Over - Just too easy, isn't it?

"Urgh, I think you've got it all over me."

The Heaven and Earth Show

"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

The Clangers

"Unfortunately the soup-dragon developed a taste for Clanger soup."

Quote unquote

It sounds like it should be Wilde, but surely it is Desperate Dan after digging into his third Cow-pie.

The Ascent of Man

Well, I'm here.

Tellytubbies

"And how many calories is in that, Po?"

Newsround

"Nothing new happening here!" A Prarie Home Companion (yes, I know, it's American, but it is Public Radio)

"I've found love on the internet. He's an account, works in New York, so I've decided to move to the Big Apple, leave the wide open country and settle down in a city apartment on the edge of Manhatten. Goodbye, I'll write you." Star in their Eyes

Oops. Should've been on a lower line, like this:

Stars in their Eyes

"Tonight, I'm going to be Fred West."

Last of the Summer Wine

"My, what a cold winter it's going to be this year."

A Question of Sport

"And, on my right, our new team captain, Breadmaster."

Queer Eye For The Straight Guy

"Joining the team this week, Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen."

"Sold!"

10 o'clock News

"And the time's just coming up to midnight."

QI

"...and tonight's guests are all dyslexic"

Drivetime with Johnnie Walker

"And now, a word from our sponsor, Johnny Walker Whisky. Is your commute down the motorway a grind? Do you get tense, irritable, angry? Take a bottle of Johnny Walker with you to soothe your cares away. Relax, put the pedal to the floor, and fly down the fast lane with Johnny Walker."

The Shipping Forecast

"Scilly, variable, poor."

Sport on Five

"And now, the World Tiddlywinks Championship."

Scooby Doo

"Scooby Dooby Doo, where are - ? Oh there you are. Been looking for you everywhere."

The Wombles

"I guess that cleans everything up, then."

Enterprise

"Quick, activate the shie...

ER

"My god! You've really found a cure for all ills!"

Gamesville

"...taking a closer look at the Sinclair ZX Spectrum "

Rosie and Jim

"No-one's looking, fancy a shag?"

Diggin' It

"We've hit rock bottom" - actually they kept going for years after that

Poddington Peas

"What's that popping sound I can hear coming closer and closer?"

Ever Decreasing Circles

"At last, we finally got to the point."

The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

A.U.N.T you a woman?

Monkey Makes

Unfortunately, due to a recent outbreak of the Monkey Pox Virus...

University Challenge

"...and we all know what points make; points make..."

Third Rock From The Sun

"We've been promoted, we're moving to the Second Rock From The Sun tonight..."

Highlander the Series

"That's my head!"

Everybody Loves Raymond

BANG!

Are we running out of programmes yet?

Sailing By

"Oh my god, they shot that man wearing the nice concrete shoes. Hey, what are you doing with that gun?" forced

Just the Ten of Us

Just three more to go, and we can have the ultimate Doctor Who anniversary show!

Raak] You're right - I think it's run its course.