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50 Ways To....
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This was Kevan's idea (see MCiOS chat room). It's based on the song "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" ("You just slip out the back, Jack; Make a new plan, Stan....") Well, there have to be 50 ways to do other tasks, right? So, off we jolly well go, Joe!
Who wants to throw out the first task?
I think I'll leave that to someone else...inspiration's gone dry for the minute.
How about... To Make Friends and Influence People

1. Tell them that everything they do would have been so much better if you had done it.


2. Smell like hake, Jake
3 Imitate and giggle at their walk, Bjork.
4 Be incredibly charming, Marvin.
5 Invite them to a dance, Vance.
6 Use rhyming slang, Wang.
7 Use a rhyme as a grab, rab.
8Counter tragic stories with a worse one of your own, Joan.
9 Offer them a drink, Tink.
10. Don't be an arse, Lars.
11. Dis their man, Jan.
12. Don't be cold as an iceberg, Googolplex the Amazing Balancing Goat from Luxembourg.
13. Make your lines scan, Stanley.
14. Interrupt the flow.
15.Admire their nasal hair, Fleur....*works for me*
16 Give them a big hug, Doug.
17. Buy them a ghetto-blaster, Breadmaster.
18 And go the whole hog, Bob the dog!
Hmm, that simuls my pet-frog buying plans then...
19. Complement their style, Kyle.
20. Roast them some lamb, Saddam.
21. Do them a big favour, Eva.
22. Show'em your string vest, Pet.
23. Give'em a nudge, Tuj.
24. Offer them a tot, Inkspot
25. Don't be smelly, JLE. *stretch declared*
26. Slice up some canteloupe, penelope. "not rhyming" declared
27. Show off your trunks, Dunx. [double entendre invoked]
28. Invite them for a drink, Link.
29 Don't fox 'em, DrQu+xum.
Take 'em for a walkie, Chalky.
31 Make them some tasty pasta, Breadmaster.
32 sit and stare at the baps, rab
Show off yer pecs, Googleplex.
34. Don't goad us, LotUS.
35. Show them your six-pack, Raak.
36. Tell a whopping fib, Lib.
37. Give 'em some slack, Raak Are we supposed to be attracting friends and influencing people or putting them off??!!
<38> Make everything simple and plain, Jane.
bollocks.
39 Use a swearword bleeper, Zoological Keeper.
40. Throw your old name out, ex-Time Sprout.
Come on too strong, DrQu+xum. (Whereas I just came on at an awkward moment.)
42. Teach them how to swim, Kim. Well, it's a friendly act!?
Is it just coincidence that every time I've posted in this game, I've been simulposted? Or is it a government conspiracy?
43. Act all paranoid, Floyd.
44. But don't get complacent, Jason.
45. Don't act too smart, Bart
46.Choke your finger-licken, Chicken.
47. Introduce us to some totty, Watty.
48 Buy them a round and a half, Falstaff.
49. Go trekking in the Gobi, Toby.
50. Keep 'em squirmin', Fat German.
bake a new flan stan *not the same Stan as in the song*
50 Ways To Fail A Job Interview

1. Light a cigarette, Bette.

2. Pick yer nose and flick, Mick.
Smell your own fart, Bart.And set yourself free.
3 Say you're an alcoholic, Rick.
Wear a daft hat, pat. [Kim] I've just seen yours: very good!
5.Wee in the hand basin, Jason.
6. Offer 'em sex, Rex.
7. Get out your cock, Jock.
8.Slap 'em in the face, Eustace. And get yourself free. visual rhyme declared
9. Offer them a bribe, Clive.
10. Look deeply bored, Maud
11. Tell them they're fools, Jules
12. Dance around in the nude, Jude.
13Whip out your knob, Bob.
14. Admit you wet the bed, Fred.
15. Ensure your handshake is clammy, Tammy.
16. Fall asleep halfway through, Lou.
17. Interview them, Jem.
18. And do condescend, friend.
19. Don't rock the ship, Pip.
20. Handwrite your vita, Rita.
21Have a w*nk Frank
22.Tell 'em you shagged their mom, Tom. Americanisation invoked.
23. Ask about the sick pay, Jay
24. Wipe your nose on your sleeve, Steve.
25Turn up a day late, Kate.

26 Take a mobile 'phone call, Paul

27 Have spinach in your teeth, Keith.

28 Soil your pants, Hans Sorry, only just discovered this excellent game.

29. Feign a nervous twitch, Rich.
30. Mention that your chief leisure interest is fellatio, Horatio.
31. Dress as a pike, Mike.

32. Play with your gender, Brenda.

33. Tell them that you like playing online games, James.
34. Keep shouting "Wibble" and starting to dribble, Sybil
35. Wear a fluorescent shirt, Bert.
36. Dress as Peter Pan, Dan.
37. Pretend that you're Italian, Ian.
38. Speak in Klingon, Don.
39. Just use your axe, Max.
40. Stun them with a totally irrelevant query, Desiree.

41. Wriggle on the chair and complain about your Chalfonts, Alphonse.

42. Insist loudly and repeatedly that you have irrefutable proof that the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything is forty two, Stu.
43. Fake your CV, Evie. [Rosie - No 41 haha!]
44. Tap your feet to an unknown beat,Pete.
45. Show 'em your operation scars, Lars
46. Wear a skirt, Kurt.
47. Quote George Carlin, Marlon.
48. Tell them you used to work for Citroen and show them your CV, Diane. (bending the rules a bit)
49. Conclude by informing them that the job has your name written all over it and they needn't bother interviewing any other applicants, Lance.
50. Stride over, kiss the interviewers on both cheeks and ask when you can start, Art.
Fifty Ways to Improve Your House Without Calling In The Experts
1. Don't use it to bury your dead, Fred.
2. Decorate to elicit abhorrence, Lawrence.
3. Paint the grass contrasting mauves, Jove.
4. Plant an indoor hedge, Reg.
5. Knock down a weight-bearing wall, Paul.
6. Use reflective glass in your window, Glenda.
1. Wallpaper the tiles, Miles.
7.Splatter paint tea bags at the ceiling, Rose.
1..2...3....4.....5......6.......7.......Oh, I know this, I know this, don't rush me...no its gone
er 9?Upgrade to mixer taps, Babs.
10. Get the mix (and numbers) right, Dwight.
11? Declare UDI, Si, and set yourself free
12. Use rockwool to insulate the loft, Lara Croft
13 Install a new patio, Super Mario.
14. Install Venetian blinds, Heinz.
15. Clean out the cellar, Arabella
16. Add a few aisles, Charles.
17. Convert it into a tip, Pip.
18. Cover everything in throws, Rose.
19. When buyers call, fill the place with the aroma of fresh coffee, Boffy?
20. Dump all clutter, like that extraneous question mark, Mark.
21.Play charades, LeStrade.
22. Deck the terrace with a liana, Indiana.
23. Add some architrave, Dave.
24 Convert your loft so it's Catholic, Patrick.
25. Wipe the door, Handel.
Add a conservatory, Rory.
I said 26, I did, really!
27. Make sure your house has the correct numberin', Kim.
28 Change the house number from an odd to an even, Steven
29 Put up a dado; Dido
30. Render the wall, Paul
31. Repaint your table, Mable.
32. Have a lean-to like a tutu, Tito.
33. Study Feng Shui, Louie.
34. Take exams in Feng Shui, Fay. alternate pronunciation invoked
Breadmaster 35 Don't use that ridiculous Feng Shui, Dee. other pronunciation inserted
Brighten your pine with felt pen, Ken.
37 Hoover the Rug, Doug
38. Hang a new chandelier, Néa.
Keep a pet shark Clarke!
Remove all the slate, mate       Sorry to be so familiar   :-(
Get rid of that Welsh Dresser, Vanessa.
Replace the flock, Jock.
That was 42.   Hrrmph!
Just to prove it    43. Rip out the ceil, Neil.
44. Build a jacuzzi, Susie.
45. Install a new pan, Jan.
46. Plumb the bidet, May.
47. Put up a shelf, Dolph.
48 Chuck out the chintz (!?), Vince
49. Rearrange the chair, Claire
50. Make the stair into a slide, Clyde
May I suggest another?
50 Ways To Start a Riot
1. Light a fire by the prison gate, Kate
2. Declare war, Thor.
3. Tell the Queen she's a has-been, Dean
4. Protest against tax, Max.
5. Let them eat cake, Jake.
6.Piss in someone's beer, Dear
7. Mention the footy, Sooty.
8. Insult someone's Mum, Friedrich. Can't be bothered rhyming. I'll make up for it next time...
Blame your farts on the judge, Tuj.
And that, guys'n'gals, was a new arrival in the charts at number 8.
I mean 9. It has been a long day.
10 Insult the police, Maurice. invoking non-British pronunciation
11.Refuse to pay for a loaf of bread, Fred.
12. Hurl lots of pasta, master. "inappropriate servitude" invoked
Murder Mr Tony Blair,Cher
14. Make someone's wife squeal at your sexual appeal, Neil. 3 for 2 invoked
15.Murder, cook and eat your own lodger, Roger.
16. Stop broadcasting any telly, Kelly.
17. Miss an open goal, Cole.
18. Break MC rules, Jules.    Careful, Chalky (see ZK's entry - No.7 above) ... :-)
praise the benefits of genocide, Clyde (not very nice!)
20. Say everyone's a crook, Luke.
[Dujon] *goes mad with a machine gun* ;) 21. Kill Justin Timberlake, Jake.(A way to incite mad and joyous riots variously against the differing markets and target groups, I suppose)
22 Get in someones face, Grace
Be a racist pig, Stig
24. Cheat playing chess, Bess.
25. Invade a country and steal their oil, Doyle.
Bomb Iraq, Jack!
Chase a kid on his bike, Spike
28. Don't kill Justin Timberlake, Jake. Had to be done for a balanced view
29. Flash your tit, Janet.
30.Try to crash a rave, Dave.
[Snodgrass - ooh topical!]
31. Eat all your housemates stew, Lou.
32 Step on someones toe, Joe [Snorgle - How kind of you to notice]
33. Qu'ils mangent de la brioche, Josh.
34. Allow a blatantly offside goal, Joel. (Kim) Class!
35. Raise income tax by a pony, Tony.
36. Adopt a bold font for your stance, Lance.
37. Over-use Bad HTML, Mel.
38. Torch a few cars, Lars [Kim] Very nice...
39 Throw a molotov cocktail, Abigail.
40. Hit a PC with a brick, Rick.
42. Start the looting, Putin
43. Keep disputin', Rasputin.
44. Drop a bomb anywhere in Asia, Anastasia.
45 Kill a kid, Sid
46. Assassinate the Crown Prince, Vince.
47. Introduce the Poll Tax, Maggs.
48. Issue a primal scream, Dean.
49. Insert an extra fourteen syllables into a certain metrical reading at a poetry recital full of pedants, Lance.
50. Insert a horizontal line in the wrong place, Ace.

How about [for you travel lovers] ...
50 Ways To Circumnavigate The Earth

1. Traverse the Amazon Basin, Jason.
2 Head up the Nile, Kyle
Take a jet plane, Jane
4. Climb on a Penny-farthing, Martin
3. Hop on the ferry, Kerry
ugh. sorry, should have been 5. It's been a long week.....
6 Just use your own feet, Reet
7. Go up in a balloon, June.
8.Mail yourself to Timbuktu, Pru.
9 Go with someone from Monty Python, Typhon.
10. Summon Sir Francis Drake, Jake.
11. Just hop on a bus, Gus ... Wait, that sounds familiar...
12. Assume a low earth orbit in a pod, Rod
13. Get pedalling on your bike, Mike.
14. Catch the express, Jess.
15. Try feathers and wax, Max.
16. Sail on the Kontiki, Mickey.
17. Take an airship, Chip.
18. Strap yourself to a rocket, Crockett.
19. Ride the salt wave, Dave.
Fly through the sky, Guy
Or take a ship, Pip
22. Paddle your own canoe, Sue.
23. Cross the Serengeti, Betty.
24. Walk beside the Panama Canal, Ranulph.
26. Start by jogging down the parade, Sinead.
26. Pretend it's a marathon, Jonathan.
27. Sail off in a yacht, Dot.
28. Take three steps round the pole, Cole.
Try a hand glide,Clyde
30: Don't forget your passport, Mort!
31. Tunnel to Albuquerque, Bugs.
32. Get off your arse and hike, Spike!
33.Just keep walking straight, Kate...
34. ...Till you're back where you start, Art
35. Recharge that Sinclair C5, Clive.
36. Get your Mum to row, Bo.
37. Start by swimming the Atlantic, Nick.
38; Half Pipe a Skateboard, Claude
39 On a unicycle, Michael.
40. Chuck yourself from a trebuchet, Jay.
41. Have a lift from a sedan chair, Clare
42. Hop on a jet, Bette.
Go around in a rocket, Charlie!
43!!
44.Get kicked by a cow, How!
45. With a documentary film crew trailin', Michael Palin.
46. On a slow boat to China, Carolina.
47. Charter the QE2, Lou
48. Develop a fully functional Matter Transportation Device to convert you into sub-atomic particles and bounce yourself off of a satellite, Dwight
49. In a Kayak, Jack
50. Get away and wait for the world to spin, Min.
Well, this game's going at a fair old lick, come the time and we need a new one. Erm...
*channeling the collective consciousness of the e-pilg*

50 Ways to call in sick

1 Tell 'em you've got a frog in your throat, Googolplex the Amazing Balancing Goat.
2. Tell them your nose is the size of a melon, Helen.
3. Say you're suffering from sciatica, Attica.
4. Or just say you've got the flu, Sue, or pulled a muscle, Russell.
5. I've had a family loss, boss.
6. I'm clinicaly dead, Fred
7. I'm just a bit ill, Bill.
8I think I'm positively insane, Jermaine
Say you're under the weather, Heather.
which was 9 of course D'OH!
10 Get a nasty bout of diarrhoea, Maria.
11 You've amputated a limb, Jim
12 Say you've consumed a bottle of Lemony Cif, Cliff
13 You simply can't be arsed to come in, Tim.
14 Got a touch of gangrene, Dean.
15. Remove your appendix, Felix. *dodgy rhyme alert*
16. Just tell 'em they smell, Mel.
17. Say you've got a verruca, Luca.
18. Say you've caught leprosy, Dee. But don't worry, the doctor says it's going round tight now and I'll be over it by the end of the week.
19. Say you've been sick, Dick.
20. Say that the boil has burst, Kirst.
21.Tell 'em you've got a splinter, Araminta.
22. Best use the 'phone, Joan.
23. ... but email if you've got laryngitis, Otis.
24.Say *cough* you think you've *cough* got SARS, Lars. *cough* *cough*
25. Claim to be hit by a van, Stan
26. Tell the silly moo you Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, Denise
27. Admit to the hangover, Clover.
28. Say your Gran died, Clyde.
29. Call to say you've been out late with Jordan, Gordon. they'll understand, oh yes
30. You have gastroenteritis, Titus.
31. You accidentally cut your own head off while trying to shave, Dave.
32. You ate the wrong kind of berry, Terry.
Fake Typhoid, Boyd.
34.Read them your obituary, Jerry.
Tell em you choked on some Candy, Mandy
36. Just tell 'em you're crook, sook.
37.Get your dear Mother to call in for you, Lou.
38. Say you've tachycardia, Nadia.
39. Feign asbestosis, Moses.
40 Deny being in Las Vegas, Gus
[all] shurely 'Deny being in Las Vegas, Dégas'...?!!
[pen]you tell who you want to tell, I'm telling Gus
41.... send 'em a singing telegram, Sam
42. The doc says you have thrush, Nush.
43. Tell 'em to look up 'cause I'm in freefall, all and no parachute!
44 Say you were crushed by a freefalling lunatic, Rick
45 Say you've dislocated your shoulder, Golda. (Duj) 38 is v. good. :-)
46. Say you're trapped in a lift, Cliff.
47. You've just had ECT, Jeeves.
48. Nasty does of chlamydia, Lydia.
49.Tell 'em you're just too damn lazy to come in today, Maisy.
50. Be honest and tell 'em you've been out on the piss, Chris.
I think it must be time for 50 Ways To Play Mornington Crescent, starting with
1. Start at Green Park, Clark.
2. Avoid Dollis Hill, Will
3. Perform several striles, Niles.
4. Avoid Dollis Hill, Phil.
5. Avoid Dollis Hill, Jill.
6 Jump straight to Morden, Denis Norden.
7. Avoid Dollis Hill, Bill
8. Use Ongar Denials, Gyles.
9.Keep one foot on the Bank, Frank.
10. Keep an eye on the L.V., Bea.
11. Don't land in knip, Pip
12. Be sparing in invoking Archbold's Lemma, Gemma.
13. Ignore all the rules, fools.
14.You simply must ad lib, Mr. Gibb.
15. Play Waterloo, Stu
16 Via Picadilly, Lilly
17. And thence to Kingsway, May.
18. Don't end up in spoon, June.
Watch out for the LV spike, errr, Spike.
19.00
20. Declare home at Goodge Street, Pete. Well it works for me!
21. Don't even think of gatecrashing one of our games and killing it off by playing Mornington Crescent, peasant.
*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Wol*
Oh buggerbuggerbugger - there's a horrid bullet wound in my foot ... sorrysorrysorry - help!! I really didn't mean that to happen, honest ...
22. Slink back to Queensway, Fay.
23. Straddle Putney Bridge, Midge.
24. Beware of roads that go one-way, Jay
25. Fetch the Game Repair Squad when Wol f*cks up, Fairlop. [teehee]
26. Do it with feeling, North Ealing
27. Crossharbour and London Arena, Tina
28. Keep the diagonals clear, Pier.
Make a joke about Mudchute, Knute.
^ 29
30 With interesting nicknames, James.
31. Keep changing your moniker, Monica.
32. Watch out for Becontree, Dee.
33. I'll start at Vauxhall, Paul.
34. Only *farkle* when stuck, Chuck.
35. Never pin Colindale, Colin, Dale.
36. Don't try to get off at Museum, Liam!
37. Be wary of Tooting Bec, Beck.
38. Have care in Zone One, Juan.
39.Thru interesting pick-up lines in bars, Lars.
40: Check your Fronsky diagram, Pam.
[Falstaff] Just FYI, such manoeuvres have been illegal since the 1997 Ljubljana Amendments.
41 Go right on past Old Street, Pete
42. Start a Parks Cascade, Jade.
43. Try not to bifurcate, Kate
44. Don't straddle over White City, Kitty.
45. Don't make the Kings Cross, Boss.
46. Don't start a Dollis Hill Loop, Troop.
47 Don't cause a reverse temporal eddy, Sir Neddie. [Neddie] Nice to have such an esteemed knight of the realm with us, but please note that the gigni de nihilo ... game on MCiOS flows in reverse -- ie, if you read up the page it makes sense, so you can't "know" what's gone before as it hasn't happened yet in the game's time frame -- the fun lies in the construction of a "past" that fits everything we know will be "going to happen". I think I've managed to make your first move fit in all right, though ... ([everyone] Sorry; I promise this is the last time I interrupt an mc5 game to explain gigni.)
48. Try to bifurcate, Kate.
Of course, it depends on the circumastances, as you all know. 43's still valid, just spotted that!
[Brendan] You can't believe how long it took me to figure that it was backwards...
49. Avoid trouble by playing Hyde Park, Mark
50. Don't forget to finish the match, Patch.

OK, now how about 50 Ways to Appear on Television.

1. Steak at a sporting event, Brent.

dammit, meant streak
2. Eat an enormous steak, Drake. For charity or something. Nice one Darren!
3. Elbow your way vigorously to the front of the 'Last Night of the Prom'ers, Thomas.
Write a TV comedy play....Ray
4. Bare your breast to the planet, Janet.
Ah, not very original; it appears that ZK did something similar earlier. I should have clicked on 'Expose All'. Sorry.
Aargh! That should have been 5.
6. Write in to Blue Peter, Dieter.
7. Become a celebrity cook, Chuck. From north of 52½°N, obviously.
8. Write to Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen, Rowan.
9 Go on Who wants to be a Millionaire, Clare
Get eaten by a lion at Longleat, Pete
Pah I forgot the number again.......back to Kings Cross sorry everyone!!
Start a riot at the footie, Sooty. [Dujon] Yours was funnier :)
[Dujon] Looks like I could take a leaf out of your book. I've done that one before too!
12. Stand still for long enough, Geoff.
13 Just 'HANG' out in a box, Fox. ah-la Barmey Blaine.
14.Make a complete and utter spectacle of oneself by perching atop of it, dressed solely in a pink tutu [hands clutching a bowl of salsa i.e. chips] with both unsightly legs dangling over the screen, whilst wearing the rabbit-ear antenna atop ones *sic* head.
...Fred. (completing Falstaff's move)
15. Appear on Big Brother, Mother.
16. Appoint yet another croney, Tony.
17. Become a Premiership ref, Jeff
18. Get cast as the new Doctor Who, Stu!
19 In the nude, Jude.
20. Make a new episode of Blake's 7, Kevin.
Make a good episode of Blake's 7, Bevin.
Wroot a episod of 'Allo 'Allo which do nat oose a bod fronch acsont, Cont
23. Wave at a passing news camera, Pamela.
24 Become a presenter, Gunther. [Crabbers] I cod nid agwee moer. Until you piss this wee again.
25. Invent a new gameshow, Joe.
26. Impress Simon Cowell, Raul.
27. Stand as a presidential candidate with a campaign based soley on who your father was despite having a brain made of mush, Mr. Bush
Be the first man on mars......Larrs
29. Become a cameraman and turn it 180 degrees, Rhys.
Bomb and invade Syria, Lydia
31 In the past, there was always Police Five, Clive.
32 Hold Romeo Beckham to ransom, handsome.
33. Sit in a house doing b*gger-all, Paul. Not a fan of Big Brother and the whole reality TV boom, I'm afraid
34. Volunteer to be a redshirt, Kurt.
35. Go on a crime spree, see.
[thanks Darren ... dunno how i overlooked that...musta been outa breath]
36. Climb a clock that's big, Ben.
37. Enter BBC Talent at www.bbc.co.uk , Ray
38. Record yourself with a camcorder and play it back on your own set, Jet.
39. Get caught doing that with a minor (playing it back on your telly), Kelly ooh slightly outdated yet topical [Inkspot] Sublime!
Do a public strip-tease, Louise
41 Voice over a documentary, Terry
42. Make an advert, Kurt.
Stalk Mathew Kelly, Nellie (perish the thought!)
44. Kill the annoying purple Barney, Killarney.
45. Hold the world to ransom, Hanson
46 Commontate on the Cup Final, Lionel
47.Put Trinny's head down the pan, Susanne ...(artistic licience declared)
48. Become a weather girl, Shirl. (Been going on for a while, hasnt it, this one?)
Don't do what they want you to, Bartholomew.
50. Write the credits at the end, friend.
how about...
50 Ways to Lose Your Liver

1. Start with some gin, Lynne.
2. Keep knocking back the sherry, Cherie.
3. Donate organs before you're dead, Fred. Two sides to every story
3. Take all possible steps to avoid a carcinoma, Homer. And yet a third.
4 Don't forget the rum, mum.
5. When you're eating liver and bacon, keep the bacon but throw away what remains, Brains.
7. Behave like George Best, Celeste.
8. Put away a skinful of Theakston's Old Peculier, Julia.
Share a needle wih a junkie, Monkey.
10. Drink yourself under the table, Mabel.
[When mom ain't lookin'] sneak it under the table to Ol' Rover, Grover.
The last one was [it was]!
12. Drink a flagon of scumpy with every meal, Neil.
13. Promise a loan shark a pound of your mortal flesh, Ramesh.
14. Don't keep loads of booze in the house, Klaus.
15. If you're the city the Beatles came from, change your name to "pool," Zool.
16. A bottle of whiskey a day, Ray.
17. Drink a bottle of whisky a day, Jay. Far more potent!
18 Juggle with a chainsaw, Tor.
19 Drink dodgy foreign water, daughter.
20. Impale thyself on a meat hook, ye crook.
21. Take a midnight stroll with Jack The Ripper, Gipper.
22. Sign your organ donor card, M'Lord.
[i'm finished now!]
23. Try to avoid hepatitis, Titus.
24. Stay off the Vitamin A, Kay.
25. Sell it on Ebay, Jay.
Take to many headache pills, Will's
Have a meal with Hannibal Lecter, Hector!
28 - Turn your back on Jeffrey Dahmer, Homer.
29 - Catch the Whooping Cough, Dolph!
30 - Ship it to the wrong address, Bess!
Don't date Lector, Hector.
above = 31
32. - Kiss someone with halitosis, Miss Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
33 Feed it to the cat, Matt
Eat it with Phal, darl. or should that be Dahl?
35 Cover it with too much gravy or veg, Reg.
36.If you don't already know, then I ain't telling you, Lou.
37 Leave it on the Bus, Gus
38 Have it gently fried, Clyde
Let it fill with pus, Russ
40 - Attempt the forbidden [Pole Vaulting Position], #1069 in The Daredevil's Guide To Kama Sutra, Lutra.
Have it as a kebab, Rab!
Sign up as a donor, Mona.
Forty one is a prime number, so that was
42!
Drink a drum of rum, son
Have dodgy LFT's, louise
Have Jaundice, Morris!
45 - Sell it to the highest bidder, Kidder [OOPS!].
46 - Your ailing Uncle is a boss in the Mob, Bob.
47 - Taint your ale with a flesh-eating bacillus, Phyllis.
48. Go into labour, neighbour Which we are, but we're nearly there! Come on, PUSH!
49 - Let your husband perform the cesarian, Marion. [Won't be long now!]
50. Don't inhale the vapours of solvents containing chlorine, Doreen. Nnnnngh, Dunnit, Aaaaaah!
I'm in an odd mood today. Let's try 50 Ways to Achieve World Domination
1.Buy it on Ebay. Jay
2. Play Risk, Mr. Fisk.
Change your name to Mac Donald, Ronald!
Own Coca-cola, Lola
Set the Microsoft franchise rates, Mr Gates
6Buy yourself a gun, Hon
7. Start by invading Iraq, Mac
Invasion from Mars, Lars
9. Invade both North and South America, Erica.
10. Pull doors marked push, Bush.
Explode a 40 megaton nuclear bomb, Ron
12. Build lots of Fighting Ships and rule the mighty main, Jane.
Spread Anthrax as a gas, Lass!
14. - Plight your troth to the Devil, Neville.
15. Just act meek and inherit... Jared?
16. - Transmogrify theeself into a doomsday virus, Iris.
17. - Recruit vast armies from the planets Earth and Jupiter, and conquer the whole d#mn galaxy, Alexi.
18. txt all the bro',Mo.
19. Subjugate all men, starting with Sven, hen
20. Start with a coup d'etat, Matt.
21. Give Tony Blair a cow, Pat.
22. - You'll be needing a time machine, Gene.
Kill people 'til you're the only one left, Seth
- 24. Engage the help of a yeti, Betty (sorry to come in from nowhere; found the site randomly and it looked cool ^_^)
25. - T'is simple in theory really, but first you must become a fire ant, Grant.
26. Just watch and wait, Tate.
27. Do it in a hurry, Murray.
28. - Become the Grand Mogul of all cockroaches, Sanchez.
29. Own the world wide web, Deb
30. Consult those barely legible scribbled notes we stole from Margaret Thatcher's handbag when we met her, Henrietta.
Put your mind control drugs in all tubs of Sainsbury’s strawberry yoghurt, Robert [and the rhubarb ones too Lu]
32. First take the Moon, June.
33. Stay up all night, Dwight.
Rebuild the 3rd Reich, Mike!!!
35. Learn from the mistakes of Napoleon's winter campaign, Jane.
36. Start with a hill, Phil.
Buy a very big battle tank, Hank
Invest in a squadron of B52's, Lou
39. - Withdraw from reality and create a subserviant world of your own, Stone.
40. Just have enough money, Bunny.
41. - Declare yourself Genghis, Khan.
42. - Make a new plan, Stan!
43. Annex the Sahara, Tamara.
44. Rule the Gobi, Toby. Thanks for the idea, Wol:-)
45 - Tour the Kalahari, Charlie (on a roll now)
46. Pick up the world and carry it, Harriet
47 Hold cities to ransom a lot, Scott
48 Make the world sick, Nick.
49. Pretend you're George W. Bush, mush. Not absolutely strictly following the rules.
50 Just go buy a globe, Job.
How about... 50 Ways to win an Olympic Gold Medal?

1. Do a good javelin throw, Jo.
2. Slide that curling stone, Joan.
3. Shoot and ski, Lee.
4. Place a quiet backhander, Amanda. Well, it all seemed too idealistic and it really couldn't last!
6. Take a banned substance, Lance
Go to Greece, Reece
Run fast in the mile,Kyle. (bugger metric!!)
9. Show them how to hurdle, Flerdle
10. Fly high on that pole vault, Walt.
Just bloomin well cheat, Pete
12. - Show the judges your best high dive, Clive.
13. Arrange to get your rival's kneecaps broken by a masked man, Stan
14. Go faster, higher, stronger, Mr. Olonga.
15. Be the high bidder on ebay, Jay.
15. Enter a very expensive tombola, ROmola.
Use a powered sled, Ted.
17. Campaign for apathy to be a new Olympic sport, Cort.
18. Run like the wind, Min.
19. Enhance the muscularity of your gluteus, Maximus.
Beat the rest, Celest
21. Complete your patented combination triple lutz double loop followed closely by two triple axels and one flawless quadruple salchow, Ming Lao.
Jump the hurdles quick, Mick!
23. Get running, Spike.
24. Get training for that marathon, Jonathan
25. Win, Min.
26. Get an aerodynamic lunchbox, Mocks.
27. Enter the sprint, Clint
Get on yer bike, Mike
29 - Excel at your thang, Yang.
30. Do the beach volley ball in string vest, Celeste.
31. Put the shot,Dot
32. Hone each skate, Kate.
33. Avoid the Jamaican bobsled, Ted
34. Keep on taking the nandrolone, Joan.
35. Be steady on the balance beam, Coleen.
36. Don't get hurt, Kurt.
37. Run a kilometer, Peter.
38. Or a kilometre, Peta.    Sorry, Darren, couldn't resist the temptation
39.Simply keep to the rules, Jules.
40. Speed through the slalom, Marlon.
41. Get your horse to play polo in water, Cotter.
42. Favour the steroid, Floyd.
Be first off the block, Jock Well done Scotland 1st win in 5 outings. Yawn
44. - Be the best in your class, Cass.
45 - Be in a class of your own, Joan.
46 - Try and try again, Sphen. and one day you will be in a class o' your own.
47. - Praychance you have the good fortune of competing for a little country with a lot to offer, Chauffer. [provided the treaty isn't signed before the olympic competition]
48. Box above your weight, Nate
Wear your lucky pants, Lance
Be first round the bouy, Troy
But most of all remember to catch the 9.05 from Mornington Crescent, Peasant!
*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Olympic Torch*
i like pies
Gerroff!!!!
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord