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Good News / Bad News
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Right, another chance to alternately build our spirits up and then disappoint them. I can't be bothered to change the winning move so it's still Mornington Crescent.
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Good News
Its attracting a vast amount of flies of varied species for your new insect collection!
Bad News
It makes people mistake you for Beelzebub.
Good News
Which is just as well because you are about to launch a devilish plan ...
Bad News
Michael Howard has beaten you to it.
Good News
You won't have to lead the Tory party after all....
Bad News
...because you'll be busy leading Labour...
Good News
Which is a good reason to move to and live in Canada...
Bad News
Canada is uncomfortably near the USA.
Good News
You love the USA !!
Bad News
You have to say that, the US Army has just abducted you to Guantanamo Bay.
Good News
The beaches there are marvellous.
Bad News
You're not going to be spending any time on them, are you?
You were going on a diet anyway.
that was me with a "tab" issue.
Good News
You were going on a diet anyway.
Bad News
It's the Atkins diet.
Good News
As a cannibal, this is your own version of the Atkins Diet. Once a week, you look up "Atkins" in the phone book, and the rest is self-explanatory.
Bad News
This is illegal, and they've just caught you at it.
Good News
Private Eye call it the Fatkins Diet.
Bad News
The Fatkin Diet is a genetic/hereditary problem.
Good News
You can blame it on your parents.
Bad News
My parents are aliens (shnoorb ack ack ack wibble)and only visit once every 100 years.
Good News
At least they don't visit any more frequently.
Bad News
But the next visit is tomorrow, and your in-laws are meeting them for the first time.
The will probably abduct your in-laws and take them back to the planet Zog for experimentation.
Good News
The will probably abduct your in-laws and take them back to the planet Zog for experimentation. Bugger, done it again!
Bad News
They'll be back.
Good News
They are bringing presents for everyone this time!
Bad News
You will be expected to show gratitude for some useless trinket.
Good News
You have earings that are made of the kind of organic matter which you do not need gratification for.
Bad News
Earwigs prefer earrings over earings. Regardless, they are rather pedantic individuals and do have a problem with their 'earing.
Good News
You like squashing earwigs
Bad News
Guess what you'll be coming back as in the next life?
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