Through a clerical error, you are sent to spend eternity haunting Lancashire instead.

That's where the cleric who made the error lives.

You have just realised that the clerical error means that you are now haunting Lancashire, when in fact the true depth of the error is that you never actually died yet.

That is not rigor mortis, its just a very serious hangover.

You've actually been drinking methylated spirits.

It has cured you of your terrible haliotosis and sorted out your gum disease a treat.

You now have 2 bellybuttons.

Your twin navels are a novel place to put those new earrings.

Those earrings are miniature Teletubbies.

They're dead.

Po is starting to get a bit whiffy.

Its attracting a vast amount of flies of varied species for your new insect collection!

It makes people mistake you for Beelzebub.