It was acid rain and 50% of them melted!

The Litmus paper states that the acid is benign, almost alkaline, and Morrissey walks into your living room with the acetate of his new LP "You are the Quarry"...you get a taxi to Bermondsey to celebrate.*champagne pops*

Your taxi gets caught in the nation-wide gridlock caused by problems on the M6, and you have no food.

The term gridlock as it applies to the alimentary system has finally been allowed the official term ridlock

You are in a hotel room in Soho with Morrissey and there are a dozen taxi's outside..you hail one and forget to blow him

You also stole his hearing aid, so he is no longer able to make mind numbing solo albums!

You forgot you were his agent - now you're skint. (This is getting very silly)

Liberated from possessions, you go away and sit in a cave for ten years, and so find enlightenment.

You now have a very sore arse, intolerance to light, loss of all social niceties and have no clothes.

You are, therefore, ideally suited to a position in local government. you make stacks of money by awarding contracts to huge faceless corporations that bung you some tax-free cash in exchange. (oh just read the bath chronicle you'll see what I mean...)

Those faceless corporations are Halliburton, Parmalat, and Enron.

You are therefore untouchable, and can rest soundly knowing they will never even attempt to prosecute you.

They do, however, prosecute your cat, your mother and anyone else who ever remotely knew you.

Your conscience having withered years back through your suspect business practices, you simply couldn't care less.

Everything else about your person has also withered

At least you didn't blow Morrisey. (comus] did I read that right?)

But he did give you a copy of his next cd (Groan)