80% Romanian plum brandy that we had been saving for just such an occasion. We soon forgot our troubles

...as we found that the pork scratchings seemed to have been dipped in some form of hallucinogenic drug. The original cast of 'Grease' then turned up and turned on the jukebox, which began blaring out...

I am the very model of a modern major general. Naturally I was surprised, after all it's not that often that Gilbert an Sullivan gets performed by the cast of 'Grease'! They started us on the slippery slope so..........

....before long we were 'holding ourselves like this and that' until the landlord's wife came home and rang the police. They came in stealing upon us with catlike tread, either that or we were too off our faces to notice them. Either way, I soon found myself back inside, but luckily this time...

I had a cell all to myself, which meant I could sit and play with my......

...Palm Pilot. In checking my calendar I discovered to my horror that I'd missed the annual office Christmas party. But maybe it was for the best. It usually winds up being...

a large wicked beast that on closer inspection is found to be impartialy formed in such a way that each side is both the same only seperatly different together apart from each other so that......

.....it is impossible to tell whether it is coming or going. Such was the shock at the appearance of the beast that I barely had time to get out my cardboard cutout of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when....

...Dr Who's Tardis materialised in one corner of the cell. Out stepped the Director General of the BBC, dressed as the White Guardian (long cloak and silly hat)and he said "Mrs Trellis, you have been chosen to...

...be the new Doctor!" Well, I was flabbergasted, I can tell you! Me and Mr Trellis (may he rest in peace) met at a Dr Who convention, you know, and it has always been a dream of mine to...

...say that I too have reversed the polarity of the neutron flow. Well, wasting no time, I leapt into the TARDIS and...