...Dr Who's Tardis materialised in one corner of the cell. Out stepped the Director General of the BBC, dressed as the White Guardian (long cloak and silly hat)and he said "Mrs Trellis, you have been chosen to...

...be the new Doctor!" Well, I was flabbergasted, I can tell you! Me and Mr Trellis (may he rest in peace) met at a Dr Who convention, you know, and it has always been a dream of mine to...

...say that I too have reversed the polarity of the neutron flow. Well, wasting no time, I leapt into the TARDIS and...

... landed on K9, who promptly began chewing my fingers off. Having at last found his 'off' switch, I turned around to find that the robot dog seemed to have mated with a Cyberman (or possibly Cyberwoman) to produce...

...Anne Robinson. Screaming in terror, I took us back to the Triassic period and fed her to a passing dinosaur. While I was there I saw...