...the legions of police who were scouring the country for me, so I cunningly disguised myself...

as Berthold Brecht. Thus, slipping easily through the police cordon on the M3 at Frimley, I made my way to....

junction 2 (the M25), where they were digging up the....

...corpse of the real Berthold Brecht, whose coffin had been removed from Europe and interred in Britain years ago as part of a secret plot on the part of the...

...International Federation of Delicatessen Entomology (FIDE), who wished to obtain the secrets of his Hazelnut and Ladybird Chutney, and had stolen his coffin under the guise of chess grandmasters. Forced to swap my disguise of Brecht for that of...