...decided to look around and find out as much as possible to use when I went back to my own time so that I could make a fortune. I found a library down a dingy backstreet and...

...was rather perturbed to meet a large uniformed man holding a machine gun. "Your papers!" he demanded, so I gave him a copy of the Daily Mail which I happened to have handy (so absorbent!), but it obviously didn't fool him because he...

..dropped dead. Puzzled, I glanced down at the paper, noticing that I had opened it to the page where...

...leader of the Conservative Party poses topless. In this issue, I was surprised to see it was...

...none other than Tony Blair. The sudden realisation that not only was I in the future but in an alternate future brought me out in a cold sweat. But then, it dawned on me that...