I have always preferred rucks to omnibuses as you get the opportunity to hump the bloke in front of you.

Cold weather is forecast for Scotland and farmers are worried about now.

The farmers are particularly cared about now making their bullocks cold (at least I think that's what they said)

I was caught in a lizzard when there was no git on the road but luckily I had a shove in the back and a set of chins.

Baked beans are nutritious but they make you fat.

I'm partial to a nice dish of teak and hips, myself.

I am wary of trying a Tarka Dal because it is a little otter.

I like eating Cantonese, especially their cow men.

I always keep the larder above freezing because the last thing I want is a burst pie.

Well quite. The last thing you need to deal with at this time of year is a food.

I'm partial to a good mice-meat pie this time of year.

I like mice pies, especially if they are mad at home.

Our local council likes to make sure everyone is well-fed during cold weather - they've even sated the roads.

The pavemens round her are very lippy.

When road conditions are bad always give a lift to as many people as possible as you will then drive carfully.

Indeed! Should you do so though, it is best to ensure you have suds on your tyres - this will reduce any lip and minimise anger as much as is possible. Moreover, you will find your friends chucking as they ravel.

Around here they sat the roads for old wether.

I hate it when now turns to lush.

Not so long ago I got caught out by a sow lizzard.