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Will you welcome please...
help
Crescenters announce arrivals at a ball nominated by any player, until topics are exhausted or dying, whereupon another social function is picked and it all begins again.
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Please welcome, from Greece, Mr and Mrs Emiquaver and their extraordinarily ephemeral son Demis.
And while we're about it, here's Mr and Mrs Doallaturca and their son Ron.
At last! Our Italian friends, the Chertoes with their son, Con
Then welcome please Mr and Mrs Estines, and their talented yet culturally unbroadened son, the nevertheless musical Phil.
I see just arriving are Mr and Mrs Third, and their occupationally diverse sons - a Major and miner, to be precise.
Please welcome Bennettlookatthosesemiquaversinbarfifteeni'llhavetobuskit amd their son Gordon.
From Scandinavia, here are Mr & Mrs Tyfourpreludesandfugues and their son Sven.
I see just entering are Lord and Lady Musician, and their American-born son, the R. Hon. Jes.
Let's have a roll on the drums for Mr and Mrs Pani and their son Tim.
And while we are in the drumming mode please welcome the world renowned bagpipers Mr & Mrs Tom and their unimaginatively named son Tom
Please welcome, fresh from the Inferno, Dante and his ambulatory daughter Ann. (Plump) - How could you?
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Breen and their son Tam.
Pitching themselves into the fray its Mr. & Mrs. Bre and son Tim.
Prithee all be upstanding for Mr and Mrs Zaphone and their big brassy daughter Sue.
And just arriving I see Mr & Mrs Tosax and their lovely son Al.
Rather surprising that she hasn't arrived earlier, but will you nevertheless please welcome Mr & Mrs O'Lynn and their rather vintagely-monickered daughter Vi.
Oh my Gawd, it's that bloke with the twangy thing. Can't we Ban Joe?.
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Whistle and their daughter Penny
Please salute Mr & Mrs Mental-Band and their son Reggie
Who's the chap wearing the kilt? Ahh it must be Gordon the Highlander!!
Please stand for Mr & Mrs Thumb and their daughter Anne
And on that 'note', perhaps we should move on to a seasonal favourite...
The Christmas Ball

It was difficult task, but I'm please to tell you that our fixer, Ms Ivityplay, has managed to track down three wise men and a virgin. So a big thank you to our very own Nat Ivityplay.
(I appreciate we might overlap with the Biblical Dinner Dance Reunion, but remember - guests are for life, not just for Christmas)
Will you please welcome, from Ireland, Mr & Mrs O'Ration and their son Dec. Groan
And my very good friends, Douglas Fir and Scot Spine.
And what's this extremely grumpy-looking horned beast hybird that's escaped from the Old McDonald's GM Farm? It looks like a Boar-Bull to me.
Just arrived is the stuttering dutchman, a close relative of Colin, Tin-Tin Sell.
And after a long journey, here's Franklin Sentz with his good friend Merv.
Oh my Gawd, I suppose we'll have to let them in; they've got a ticket etc. etc. so try and raise a bit of enthusiasm for Mr and Mrs Singer and their daughter Carol.
Not to mention Pelham Grenville Duff and his friend Minerva aka 'Min' Spies.
And here are that much-loved couple, Mr & Mrs Whativealwayswanted. And behind them, it's Jess Whativealwayswanted.
Here are Mr and Mrs Ofninelessonsandcarols and their daughter Val, who's a bit of a character. So will you please welcome Feisty Val . . . .
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Allthemincepies and their greedy daughter Juliette
It wouldn't be the same without Mr and Mrs T'mas and their son Chris!
Oh no, not again! I suppose we'll all have to sit and watch while they do their turn, it's dull old Mr and Mrs
Bennethowmanytimesdotheythinktheycangetawaywithshowingallthoserepeatsonteevee
and their bore of a son, Gordon
Bennethowmanytimesdotheythinktheycangetawaywithshowingallthoserepeatsonteevee. aythengyew!
Prithee abase y'rselves before Mr & Mrs Shopsopentoday and their son Arthur.
Here come Mr & Mrs Nut and their beautiful daughter Hazel
followed by Mr Arron spelling and his friend Miss take (c above oops!)
Put your hands together for Mr and Mrs Allover and their unfestive daughter Gladys.
Here comes Ho Chi Minh, with his less well-known brother, Ho Gma Nay.
Please give a hearty cheer for the multi-national cast of 'The Twelve Days Of Christmas Pantomime' who have arrived hotfoot from their last night [accompanied by drumming drummers and piping pipers] ... so it's Hello to Leigh Pinglords, Lady Stancing, Maisie Milking, from Spain - Juan Zaswimming, from France - Guy Selaigne, from Israel - Golde Rings, not forgetting Colin Birds, Fran Chens, Curt Elldoves and last but not least, Pa Tridgeinapeartree.
A small Irish boy Tom O'lata is looking for his father. Could his dad, Chip O'lata come to the lost children's desk please.
[Chalky] Bravo!
Would you welcome please the Reverend and Mrs Inexcelsis and their daughter Gloria Inexcelsis, and find a seat at the table for Rose Potatoes & Gray Vee. After all this we may need the help of Al Cazelzter, because Ivor Stomachache will be joining us.
Indeed, we've all been eating far too much Christmas cake, chocolate cake, sponge cake, fruit cake and angel cake, now the stoma cake is setting in (not an original, but I couldn't resist...)
Ladies and gents, please welcome the Claus family and their son Sandy and the El Toe family, and their daughter whose name is not on the list, but she's insisted upon being suspended from the ceiling for festive reasons. Furthermore I do believe however that things are likely to become somewhat 'over-familiar' here at the ball if yesterday evening's soiré is an indication, as I spotted Mummy kissing Sandy Claus underneath this Miss El Toe last night. Oh, and there's a chap called Noel here as well, and his friend Si Lentnight and the Sanna family, with their daughter who is alleged to have solicited for sexual purposes, though it was never proven. Please welcome also Mr and Mrs SinRoyalDavidCity, and their son Juan, and this evening's cabaret singer Mr. Harold Angel. Oh, and since this is a multicultural and multi-religious affair, I'm sure you'll all be delighted to learn that Theo Israel has been joined at last by his long awaited guest Emmanuelle. Many of you may wish to rejoice, since you've long been expecting that.
LAST ORDERS AT THE BAR PLEASE !! Twelth Night as come and gorn ! Ain't you lot got stables to go to ?
New theme? Or something completely different?
And now for something...I've tried to think of some suggestions, but for now seem to be drawing a blank.
...completely different. All further arrivals must stay under the line. Mornington Crescent
Um, I said Mornington Crescent. Where's the Grim Reaper when you need him?
Over 'ere, mate. Time to give this one a decent burial. Anybody fancy a Geographer's Ball? Lots of weird-sounding specialist terms.
Well, I have no idea as to how long it might last but someone has to strata off.
It's a short ball. Will you please welcome Mr & Mrs Gitude, and their son Lon....
Please mix with the D'analands and their daughter, Gwen.
Just before I head for the punch, please welcome the Boles together with their daughter, Dusty.
Ooops! I'm becoming somewhat dry now - the Neenyo's and their daughter Elle have just arrived.
Urrgh. BAN 's
Oooh look, here's Audrey, and she's going to give us a talk about the research she has been doing with the help of the SUN newspaper, plotting the locations of all paedophiles in the surrounding area, and asking them all questions. Lets have a look at Audrey's Nonce Survey Map (****Coat please!****)
Please welcome the Clines in the form of Cindy ('Cin')and her aunty.
this poor neglected game. No guests to speak of at his party. poor wee soul.
I know. but I'm rubbish at puns.
Will you please welcome Mr & Mrs Tarktick and their daughter Anne
Will you also welcome from warmer climes Mr & Mrs Reef and their daughter Coral
It's Mr and Mrs Astrench, and their deep daughter, Marianne
This game is screaming in agony. I am sorry, but these geographers have just got to go. I blame it all on the Pines and their son Al Pine. Now please be upstanding for the nect round of guests , ably fronted by the De Leer family from Ireland, as their son Sean de Leer welcomes all and sundry to the "Household Items ball".
This looks more promising - the first arrivals, straight off the chara' - Ira Ningboard, Dai Ningchair, Lew Brush, Kit Chentowel and, of course Ma Tatomasher and her husband Pa . . . ..
And Ira, a rag-and-bone man, has brought along his horse, the Dray Ningboard
Please welcome that collector of old newspapers and tins it's Mr & Mrs Ikelingbox and their son Reece
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Rowe-Wave and their son Mike
Also please put your hands together for Mr & Mrs Dardlamp and their son Stan
This party's hotting up! It's the representatives of the Boiler family, lead by Gus and swiftly followed by his cousin, Ian Mersion-Heater
all the way from SARF london, its the Door family, wiv their terrible twins, Fran Door & Beck Door
Will you please welcome Mr and Mrs Cupboard and their daughter Erin.
And say a big hello to Mr and Mrs Chunsink and their son Kit.
Its Mr and Mrs Hall with their sons Stuart,White,Addlington,Bredbury,Lostock,Grange,Gorse and daughter Bram
Welcome please that multicultural family all the way from Cheddar Gorge, Mr & Mrs Sgrater and their lovely daughter, Chi.
Ooh, phooey. Too long away, one feels.
All the way from the Orient its Mr&Mrs Chin with their sons Itchee and Hairee
This game needs sectioned i believe - for observation.
Welcome please (just ahead of the men in white coats) Mrs and Mrs Ing-Board and their son, the straightest guy in town, Ian Ing-board.
Look, it's Mr and Mrs Quisk and their daughter Electra ...
[Brendan] Genius! Welcome please Mr Towcester and his partner Ms Witch, and their charming son, Sam Witch-Towcester.
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Bag and their daughter Peg
Isn't that Mr and Mrs T'caseonwheels's daughter, Sue? And that's Sal Udbowl. (widey, your mum says your tea's ready)
That stir is being caused by Mr & Mrs Dblenda and their daughter Anne
Followed by distant cousins, Mr & Mrs Singbowl and their son Mick

How about a visit to the "Place Names Ball" I can see our first guests it's Mr & Mrs Yer and their daughter Libby
Oh dear, put on your woolies for its the Tarcticas again, with their icy daughter Anne Tarctica. I think I will hang out instead with Mr & Mrs Gall, and their warm and friendly son Ben Gall.
Please welcome Mr and Mrs Tshire and their son Will. (He's got a German friend Hants).
Welcome, please, from Bristol Mr & Mrs Stoke and their son Bradley.
And following close behind I see Mr and Mrs Norton and their award winning stonemason son Chipping and its good to see them again!
Escorting Miss Issippi is her beau Herr Frank Furt.
And here is Mr and Mrs Apolis with their daughter Minne and her partner Paul Saint
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Tolya, and their daughter Anna Tolya.
Prithee all be upstanding for Mr and Mrs Thorpe and their windswept daughter Mabel.
And while we're about it, how about a big hand for Mr and Mrs Green and their son Lee.
Fussy point, but places that are named after people should not be allowed, eg Johannesburg. Probably rules out half the place names in England, including where I live - "the hamlet of Weorla's people".
From darkest Wiltshire, Mr and Mrs Malford and their son, Christian. Don't know if that one offends your rule, Rosie.
Will you please welcome Mr and Mrs Terbourne Abbas and their son Wyn. (Softers) - Looks all right to me. :-)
From Dorset, Mr & Mrs Port, and their daughter Brid Port.
Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Mr and Mrs Chester, who also have a son called Wyn.
Please welcome Mr and Mrs Ford and their son Brad
All be upstanding for Mr & Mrs Gio di Calabria and their son Reg.
A big welcome to Mr & Mrs Le street and their fine son Chester
Let's hear it for Mr and Mrs Bao and their son Bill. Dreadful.
Obviously, Mr & Mrs Borough and their son, Peter.
Also introducing from Wiltshire, Mr & Mrs Isbury and their daughter, Sal.
All rise for Mr and Mrs Ham and their son Rex. (Softers) Your first one violates The Rule!
Look who's here its Mr & Mrs O'Groats and their son John
[Rosie} CanI just say that the problem with "The Rule" is that a large proportion of places *are* named for people, whether resident or saintly. Thus Peterborough - but I'd allow this, as it's all one word, whereas Mavis Enderby (Lincs) would be instantly disqualified.
Mt & Mrs Caster and their son Don Caster.
And now, let's hear it for Mr and Mrs de Janeiro and their son Rio. (Herr Bratsche) Doesn't using the already-existing personal name as part of the "answer" defy the whole purpose of the game, which is to conjure names out of thin air, as it were? There's no essential difference, in this sense, between your two examples. BTW, aren't you up rather early this morning, for a musician? :-)
[Rosie] I don't do it for a living! By day, IT consultant, by night, musician.
Please welcome Mr and Mrs On-Wye and their son Ross. And from the wilds of Wyoming here's that retiring young lass Shy Anne. (Herr Bratsche) Oh, hard cheese. :-)
[Rosie] It's OK, it pays the bills. Mr & Mrs Gate and their son Harry Gate, closely followed by Mr & Mrs Istone and their daughter Pen Istone.
While in the realms of fantasy, all the way from Ambridge , introducing Penny Hassett.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please put your hands together for Mr and Mrs Ericay and their son Bill. (Herr Bratsche) If you twang your knob fast enough do you get a Penis Tone?
[Rosie] Winces at the very thought
**twangs nob very fast and places it against ear***
***does it again***
Rosie] No, but it's kind of fun.
From the beautiful Lake District, Mr & Mrs Dermere, and their daughter Wyn Dermere.
All the way from Essex I see we have Mr and Mrs Ple-Soken and their godlike son, Thor.
And with us once again are those outrageous socialites Mr & Mrs Stone and their daughter Connie
Please welcome Mr and Mrs Isle and their son Carl.
Please be upstanding for Mr and Mrs Terr and their son Les
Joining us all the way from Italy, we have Fiona Renze and her friend Silas Ennar (who prefer to be addressed by their nicknames please).
Will you all put your hands together, please, for Mr and Mrs Ws-y-coed and their daughter Bet.
Will you welcome please, Mr and Mrs Man and their daughter, Isla.
And resplendent in their patriotic orange are our Dutch guests Mr & Mrs Bolden and their son Wim
Mr & Mrs Rith and their daughter Pen, and Mr & Mrs Dull and their son Ken.
Mr and Mrs Lazoosh and their son Ashley Barrisdale Donnisthorpe. Hello Ash B. D. Lazoosh
Please engage low gear for Mr and Mrs Ock and their son Paul. I don't usually do LOL, but the last four were highly chortleworthy.:-)
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Bee-Anne and their daughter Carrie
Also please welcome Mr & Mrs Toft and their daughter Lois
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