Here comes Ho Chi Minh, with his less well-known brother, Ho Gma Nay.

Please give a hearty cheer for the multi-national cast of 'The Twelve Days Of Christmas Pantomime' who have arrived hotfoot from their last night [accompanied by drumming drummers and piping pipers] ... so it's Hello to Leigh Pinglords, Lady Stancing, Maisie Milking, from Spain - Juan Zaswimming, from France - Guy Selaigne, from Israel - Golde Rings, not forgetting Colin Birds, Fran Chens, Curt Elldoves and last but not least, Pa Tridgeinapeartree.

A small Irish boy Tom O'lata is looking for his father. Could his dad, Chip O'lata come to the lost children's desk please.

Would you welcome please the Reverend and Mrs Inexcelsis and their daughter Gloria Inexcelsis, and find a seat at the table for Rose Potatoes & Gray Vee. After all this we may need the help of Al Cazelzter, because Ivor Stomachache will be joining us.