Originally a specialised tool for the removal of ordure from the smelly end of long-haired dogs and cats, it is now applied to any person with a truly distressingly repulsive job, such as teaching schoolchildren or telephone sales.

Welsh Stripper

This is blindingly obvious really. Everybody has heard of a Welsh Dresser, that substantial and robust decorative pine display unit which leans precariously against the wall in a kitchen, or indeed sitting room, in some cases dining room, and rarely, a posh entrance hall [pause for breath] - which has shelves and in some instances, little nooks and crannies, etc. Well, most folk proudly display their knick-knacks or amusingly-shaped teapots on these shelves, in order to attract a compliment or two from a passing guest. In short, they 'dress' the shelves. A Welsh Stripper, quite simply, is someone who UNdresses these shelves.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of egg-cups with cute little legs, my Auntie from Clitheroe has threatened to bequeath to me her precious collection of Oily Leathers and I'm shuddering in anticipation, nay - ignorance. Any ideas?

These are simply a form of home-made preserve. To be more precise, oily leathers are a type of marmalade where the "bits" in the marmalade are entire fruit skins. The name comes from the appearance and texture of these skins. Oily leathers are considered something of a delicacy, and are surprisingly hard to make (at least, such that the end product is edible). Futhermore, as they are an acquired taste, I advise you to approach them with caution.

Meanwhile, what's a tablet contestant?

One who takes an aide-memoire to consult in any potentially complex situation, such as being in bed with someone.

Just what are lucubrations, really? Especially epistolary ones.

I must admit that this took a while to come back to mind, but it finally did! If you ever went to Sunday school I am quite sure that this will ring a bell. epistolary lucubrations is the raw fear experienced by those of little faith when asked to quote a text from the letters of the apostles - it seems (for some as yet unexplained reason) to be more severe should that citation be sourced from the book of Luke.

Now, I came across this the other day and, says he hiding his head in shame, do not know what it means; we all know what "a penny for your thoughts" means, but what about "A quid for your pro"? Surely nothing to do with ladies of the night - or is it?

This was an early attempt by the World Health Organisation to stop mosquito bites by jamming their proboscis with a concoction of chewing tobacco and DDT. The "quid" in question proved very popular with the insect fraternity and when sprayed in the area was rapidly sucked up the proboscis(or Pro) however they used the human population as a mobile spittoon and the resultant spotty complexion resulted in wasting millions of pounds of a false measles epidemic.

During my wasted years in the local library I borrowed a book about nutty seepage which I lost after page six whilst the expedition was still being organised. What happened and what was it?

A hazard of testicle piercing.

What is a lizard shiner?

Aussie term for one who wrestles crocodiles for the amusement of tourists.

Namibian Knot

Something I'd rather not know to do with circumcision rituals.

Is this now a Moribund Entertainment?

By that, do you mean
a Norwegian Blue?

A Norweign Blue and a moribund entertainment are referring to the activity but as seen from across the gender divide.
A norweign blue was a prank developed by the female students of Oslo University. During rag week they stood by traffic lights in the buff, when the front cars stoppped male drivers were then offered a bucket of cold water, a soapy sponge and 30 seconds to rub the student down.
What Raak refered to is the jealous wives in the passenger seat death like, arms folded and grim ashen faced not looking.

My brother who is more widely travelled is rumoured to have had a great time with a Swindon plank is this possible?

Only if one is into necrophilia.

Someone I met in a bar urged me to Repurpose my assets. I backed away slowly -- did I do the right thing?

I think it is highly likely that you did precisely the right thing. It's a a gay chatup line.

Years ago I was offered a Rum Baba. I had no idea how to conceal my awful ignorance.

A Rum Baba, at least if you come from Wales, New Zealand or Australia, is a strange (read very strange) sheep. Whilst we are on the subject of strange phrases, I was up the local shops the other day and one of the proprietors mentiond a Virtual Ending. Did I hear this correctly, or is there something that I am missing?

You're not missing anything, although someone else may be. A Virtual Ending is when two people in bed together amicably decide, for whatever reason, that it's not going to work, and just have a snuggle instead.

I recently heard a birdwatcher mention sighting a Trunnion's Warbler. It's not listed in any reference book I've looked at. What is it?

Twitchers' slang originally for a magpie, now applied to any common bird. An amateur birdwatcher called Goately Trunnion famously excited the ornithological world with reports of a pair of Pied Blue-winged Azalea Warblers (thought to be extinct) in his Wimbledon garden. They turned out to be magpies, to Trunnion's eternal shame.

Brighton Snack?

A Brighton Snack is a posh name for a visit to the Massage Parlour.

Gammon Ears

I've come across the word "spotty" in some British literature. At times it seems to mean "pimply-faced" but other times something closer to "cowardly." Is this Brit slang? What is the etymology - anything to do with smallpox?

If, despite being generally quick on the uptake, you unexpectedly commit a social faux pas because you have competely misunderstood something, you can be said to have "gammon ears". An example might be mistaking a foolish word game for a genuine etymological discussion. (I have never heard of "spotty" meaning "cowardly" though.)

Someone once complimented me on my Cat's toenails. Should I be offended?