'Tra-la-la!' I declaimed, and 'Tee hee!' 'Woo-hoo!' and 'Ha-ha!' and 'Yippee!' Then later, 'Oh, cock!' Once I'm not on the clock And need no more simulate glee
Time to rewrite a Limerick from October 2014: An athlete of deeds meritorious, Whose life had been largely victorious, Fired on quite regardless - Dolus eventualis - Guilty of murder inglorious
As a brief diversion from lecherous Limericks, a lecherous Shakespearian haiku: My Love doth me wrong— But still, 'tis better than not doing me at all.
Time for a Christmas carol: Away in a manger, a child Was born and grew up meek and mild But when he turned thirty He got rather shirty And was nailed up for making folks wild.
We three kings of Orient are With these gifts we have come from afar Myrrh, frankincense, gold For we have foretold By the light of yon wandering star.
This is all getting too nice. So - I practise all day on trombone My neighbour does nothing but moan But were I Glenn Miller I'd go round and kill 'er 'Cos the dopey old bat's on her own.My neighbours are actually very nice.
My neighbour's a lousy tromboner He thinks that I'm just an old moaner His playing I'd pardon Were he Jack Teagarden Instead of a bitter old loner I don't live next to Rosie, and my neighbours are also very nice, and don't play the trombone.
To my right there's a lousy tromboner To my left, a trumpeting moaner I'm stuck in the middle With the old plywood fiddle flerdle sold me for forty five Krona
I also practise the piano Which is made from string and Meccanoshort "a" 'Twould not be ungallant To say that my talent Ain't mini or micro; it's nano.
That blasted tromboner's now tinklin' A piano. That bugger's no inklin' He's a Les Dawson bum When he's not George Chisholme As for me my ear drums are a-wrinklin'I hasten to add all persons referred to in this limerick are fictitious and that any resemblance to persons living, dead or undecided is a most unfortunate coincidence. Besides, my tromboning pianist doesn't know anything about meteorology or chemistry. He's an insurance salesman and he lives in Chipping Sodbury.
I thought I might repair my watch But my skills made the job one big botch All the springs, cogs and wheels Scattered under my heels It seems I'm a watch botch sasquatch.