[Chalky] That was one of the several poems I was supposed to study for O-Level Eng. Lit. I managed a B, thanks to reading Lord of the Flies about 6 times, and Midsummer Night's Dream not being too dreary. I didn't like poetry then and, to be honest, I'm none too keen now, with a handful of exceptions. But I hated Adlestrop. Perhaps my English teacher (Mr Collins, a moron) would be pleased with my work at last :)
[CdM] Hidden textOn reflection, I don't think I've ever seen a book of great works reduced to a Limerick abstract. Might I venture Limeriture, Limarature , Limericture or Literick as a working title?
[Phil, pen] Well, the best example I know is by Wendy Cope.Hidden textQuite what Wendy Cope is doing on a Best American Poetry< site is a mystery to me On the other hand, she required five limericks for a single work, so we are clearly five times as good.
Also, I should note that while Phil, I and particularly Raak have been the most prolific on this theme, Kim supplied a nice entry as well, and there might be others I am forgetting.
On a topical note: We all know that roses are red, And violets are blue, it is said. But this lovesick old rogue Thinks like Kylie Minogue And I can't get you out of my head
Reposting from MCiOS's "HULK NEGOTIATE!": What a wonderful verse form is this! Sonneteers can all go take a piss! Short, merry, and sweet And as fast as bird's tweet With my lady it surely can't miss!
My wife is a Lady, I think, Cause her knickers are narrow, and pink On the rim there is lace, On the bottoms a trace, Of the finest of beaver and mink.
On the ides of March Caesar was slain "Et tu, Brute!" he cried out in vain But Mark Antony knew How the public to woo The conspirators died for their gain.
Here's one I wrote on the Google game at MCiOS, in response to "beer limericks". On the thirty-first day of December I drank seventeen pints of Knee-Trembler(I had to -- any less wouldn't scan) I then climbed a tree And took a long pee That was certainly one to remember!
Off the top of my head, as a month has passed: When I hear Lenny Henry (that crooner) Say a word like "safari", I'd sooner, That a language so maimed By a Brummie, be named "Dudley Bantu" by Reverend Spooner.
A salty old sailor once said If I never had sex I’d be dead Cause I’ve sailed seven seas, And I’ve ate all my peas, And I'm really quite horny when fed.
One from the last pilg, which is a little mucky, but definitely stuck in my mind: Traversing the Cam in a punt I performed an incredible stunt I spun round the pole Did an eskimo roll While pleasuring Jeremy Hunt
The question of whether to live Resolves all my thoughts like a sieve If this too solid flesh Were dissolved in a mess There would be no goddammit to give.
As I went out one Saturday night I'm embarrassed to tell you my plight But my belt buckle broke And I mooned a poor bloke So he screamed and then ran out of sight
Sometimes I sits here and I thinks Sometimes I sits here and I thinks Sometimes I just sits here Sometimes I just sits here Sometimes I sits here and I thinks
When your thinking is over dear friend And your worries has come to an end Then it’s time to start over Roll around in the clover And a new stupid game to attend
He'd avoided the old hangman's noose From the gallows he had gotten loose There's no rope 'round his neck But, Hey! What the heck? Now it's wrapped 'round his caboose.
The charm of her smile was too much It came on with the slightest of touch When she flirted with me I fell flat to my knee Cause the Lady had stolen my crutch!
From Liverpool, where I lived wild, I was led me to the moors; a mere child. But when Cathy departed I was left broken-hearted And my rival in love I reviled.
I see that two full months have passed Not a single new Lim'rick's been cast Is the well of rhyme dry? Is this game sure to die? Please let not this verse be the last.
When in love you may well get a Heartache Because love is as frail as a snowflake Hearts melt quicker than snow High pulse rate makes them glow Though true love will survive the worst earthquake
A rich man once tried via camel To pass thru the eye of a needle And though one got through With his wealth in tow He fell off - and went to the devil.
A lad named Jack with an urge to kill Met his match in his step sister Jill Both conceived of the crime At the very same time And got pushed to their deaths with a squeal.
On day one He made dark and made light Next three days: earth, sea, trees and stars bright Fish and birds on day five Six made man and beasts live Then He paused as He thought "That's alright!"
There once was a lady called Chalky Who I spoke to on my walkie-talkie She said, "Hello Rosie" I said "Don't be dozy" "You really wanted old Uncle Korky."
I’m stuck with my Siamese twin When he’s going out then I’m coming in He was screwing this miss And of course got all bliss But I just got blisters on my foreskin.
Timon gave all his money away So his debts he could no longer pay His friends all proved false So he left Athens' walls And struck gold, but then died anyway.
Eve was the apple of Adams eye, And he was so fond of apple pie, When the snake one day said: Eat that pie - you'll be dead He ate all, now he’s dead, and that’s why...
“I use a naughty lim’rick diet To enhance my libido at night; Helps the ol’ blood flow too,” Endorsed Mr. MaGoo, “And it’s done wondrous things for my sight.”
There now follows a sad tale of poor customer service in the Himalayas: I once met an ill-tempered yak Who configured my girlfriend's new Mac He charged twenty quid For all that he did But I think I want fifteen quid back.
One might think that Will's lost the plot Milk freezes yet crabs sizzle hot As Love's Labour ends Drear 'Winter' attends And greasy Joan still keels the pot
On the moor a green lantern glows, Midst heather's scent the cold sea breeze blows, Waves were a crashin’ The clans be a clashin’ The mist lift and gray daylight grows...