Sometimes I sits here and I thinks Sometimes I sits here and I thinks Sometimes I just sits here Sometimes I just sits here Sometimes I sits here and I thinks
When your thinking is over dear friend And your worries has come to an end Then it’s time to start over Roll around in the clover And a new stupid game to attend
He'd avoided the old hangman's noose From the gallows he had gotten loose There's no rope 'round his neck But, Hey! What the heck? Now it's wrapped 'round his caboose.
The charm of her smile was too much It came on with the slightest of touch When she flirted with me I fell flat to my knee Cause the Lady had stolen my crutch!
From Liverpool, where I lived wild, I was led me to the moors; a mere child. But when Cathy departed I was left broken-hearted And my rival in love I reviled.
I see that two full months have passed Not a single new Lim'rick's been cast Is the well of rhyme dry? Is this game sure to die? Please let not this verse be the last.
When in love you may well get a Heartache Because love is as frail as a snowflake Hearts melt quicker than snow High pulse rate makes them glow Though true love will survive the worst earthquake
A rich man once tried via camel To pass thru the eye of a needle And though one got through With his wealth in tow He fell off - and went to the devil.
A lad named Jack with an urge to kill Met his match in his step sister Jill Both conceived of the crime At the very same time And got pushed to their deaths with a squeal.
On day one He made dark and made light Next three days: earth, sea, trees and stars bright Fish and birds on day five Six made man and beasts live Then He paused as He thought "That's alright!"
There once was a lady called Chalky Who I spoke to on my walkie-talkie She said, "Hello Rosie" I said "Don't be dozy" "You really wanted old Uncle Korky."
I’m stuck with my Siamese twin When he’s going out then I’m coming in He was screwing this miss And of course got all bliss But I just got blisters on my foreskin.
Timon gave all his money away So his debts he could no longer pay His friends all proved false So he left Athens' walls And struck gold, but then died anyway.
Eve was the apple of Adams eye, And he was so fond of apple pie, When the snake one day said: Eat that pie - you'll be dead He ate all, now he’s dead, and that’s why...
“I use a naughty lim’rick diet To enhance my libido at night; Helps the ol’ blood flow too,” Endorsed Mr. MaGoo, “And it’s done wondrous things for my sight.”
There now follows a sad tale of poor customer service in the Himalayas: I once met an ill-tempered yak Who configured my girlfriend's new Mac He charged twenty quid For all that he did But I think I want fifteen quid back.
One might think that Will's lost the plot Milk freezes yet crabs sizzle hot As Love's Labour ends Drear 'Winter' attends And greasy Joan still keels the pot
On the moor a green lantern glows, Midst heather's scent the cold sea breeze blows, Waves were a crashin’ The clans be a clashin’ The mist lift and gray daylight grows...