That last comment wasn't a mere cheap shot resulting from a grumpy mood.

Richard Whitely used to be an Olympic figure skater.

The British Library contains all the manuscripts of Peter B. Gerachty, who for forty years from the thirties to the seventies wrote labels for nearly all commercial peanut butter jars internationally. Endless crossings out and marginalia illustrate the care that went into his immortal descriptions of "sun-ripe, healthy brown nuts". His works were translated into more than a hundred languages.

Circus acts often have their clothes made from serving trays. Every clown has an salver lining.

I love deadlines.

- Especially where REALLY big essays are involved

In 1960,Tog became the fifth member of the Beatles. It's unclear exactly what animal he was - possibly a cross between a rabbit and a squirrel, but he was a pianist of extraordinary talent and profound insight. Tog brought a powerful virtuosity and intimate lyricism to the Beatles music. Sadly, the appointment of another stuffed toy angered Yoko Ono and contributed to the Beatles inevitable break-up. In 1969, Tog left the Beatles and formed the now legendary Pogles, changing the face of British rock and roll forever. Sadly, he died in 1977, when someone dropped a Clanger.

The camber on my road is so great that I need a pitons and a rope just to cross to the other side.

Luckily, Chickens can fly so they are unaffected by the problem.

[Projoy] Surely if that becomes a problem you can move out of Camberwell -- after all, isn't in implicit in the name?

Iain Duncan Smith (all three of them) lives in Camberwick

County and borough boundaries in the UK are all marked by a small unbroken line of yellow (or sometimes ultramarine) bricks. All the brick lines together make a giant turf maze. There is a prize for anyone who makes it to the middle.

Camber Sands is being marketed as the English Ski resort. However, water skiing is banned until heaven is a half pipe.

Rolf from The Muppets is generally considered the greatest classical pianist of the twentieth century.

Yellowstone Park is so called because many of the rocks there will scream blue murder if struck with a mallet.

Purbright is the centre of the Universe.

Everyone in Crewe is a Zoroastrian, but no-one has had the heart to tell them.

Seven-week old babies are quite happy to let you have a good night's sleep, as long as they are persuaded by sound, logical argument that it is the right thing for them to do. And they never shit all over you.

Seven weak, old babies just stole my shopping.

Seven wee cold babies are perfect for draft insultion.

Severn wake oiled babies should be carefully peeled before eating.

The Severn Bore is nevertheless more interesting than most politicians.

"Severn Wives For Severn Brothers" is the title of my new screenplay.

7 is the current number of weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq. As yet, none have been found in America.

7, contrary to popular misconception, is, in fact, the lonliest number.

7 is also carnivorous, for as we all know, 7 8 9

We also know that when three French cats, called Un, Deux and Trois, went out in a sailing boat and that boat struck a rock, Un, Deux, Trois cats sank.

The rising sea-level Cinque Ports.

Puns are impossible in French.

The Germans have no sense of humour

The whole country is gripped by the Conservative party conference.

I would never consider moving to Canada, especially if Arnold Schwarzenegger were elected to a major political position.

Canadians are well known for all dressing as Mounties all of the time.

Mounties are famous for standing around in groups singing songs about lumberjacks.

Martina Navratilova used to be a lumberjack, or should that be a lumberjill. No, a lumberjack.