Aylesbury has just been voted European Opal Fruit town 1988.

Potters Bar has just been voted Pub of the Year.

Lickey End has just been banned for performing lewd acts.

Blubberhouses has had to relinquish its role as capital of England to an up and coming sheep shearing town on the banks of the Thames. Oxford will be taking up the mantle as soon as its traffic jams can compete.

[Boolbar] Those acts were performed with Petts Wood.

Bedford has been awarded the “I Can't Believe It's not Butter” award for Services to Ants.

I can believe its butter.

There is no such thing as cash in Azerbaijan. All exchanges are conducted with used tissues.

[Projoy] You are so right -- last time I had a sinus infection, I was able to buy 20% of the country.

Krispy Kreme Donuts are made of sand.

All US Presidents since 1963 have had bionic ankles fitted to enable them to bound out of danger if an assassin comes near.

All of Dostoevski's novels were written first on used tissues.

Dostoevski, in russian, is an anagram of Jerome K. Beelzebub.