Proper whisky is turquoise.

Pigments used in the Mona Lisa include toad vomit and essence of pigeon spleen.

Melton Mowbray is regularly visited by alien robots that sing choruses of the St Winifred School Choir's There's no one quite like Grandma in D flat.

Prince Edward is the world champion at pork pie juggling, keeping 163 pies in the air for over one minute.

Corgis have a gestelt intellect.

Windsor Castle is made of prefabricated cardboard and pine twigs.

Donald Rumsfeld is the 10-1 second favourite in the 3:15 at Uttoxeter.

Siberian tigers collect binoculars.

The mop industry is responsible for two thirds of the GDP of Wales.

Surely Ibid gets enough sleep at night.

There is no way I'd forget to put my shirt in the car to change into when I get to work, so I wouldn't spend the rest of the day in a running vest. My work colleagues wouldn't take the piss either.

Paul Young just came 'round for a cup of sugar. Apparently he is the new Kajagoogoo front-man to replace 'Fish' out of Marrilion.

Liar! I heard it was a pint of milk he wanted.

The British are the most feared tennis players in the world

Former US president Jimmy Carter can bench press over 500 pounds.

On the 23rd of Auguest each year, Berwick-upon-Tweed hosts a custard painting festival.

By sheer coincidence, all Lufthansa pilots are experts in origami.

BBC Radio 3 can be picked up in Slovenia by filling a large pair of women's tights with the third/fourth page of the Primorske Novice (only this newspaper will do), and rotating it around an oak staff at four revolutions per minute.

The cheese under the fridge is completely safe to consume.